day 8 - forget neiman marcus, I heart the plain white tee's

Our first product review with a lesson learned thrown in for good measure!

Prelude to a Lesson Learned: The fall of 2008 watched the stock market crash and department store prices plummet. Christmas 2008 sales were too good to pass up. With your grandparents in tow, we stocked up on baby clothes!

Before you were born we all were convinced you could not be more than 5 or 6 pounds at birth. Your father may remember his birth weight incorrectly, but I know I only weighed 4 pounds and your aunt Maggie topped the weight charts for my family at 6 pounds. So, on we marched to Neiman Marcus, Lord and Taylor, and Macy's raking in all the oh-so-cute and oh-so-inexpensive clothes for newborns. Despite advice we had been given, we didn't buy all our clothes on the bigger side. Pre-parenting failure #1, you've outgrown a good majority of your clothes already.

Lesson Learned: Buy most of your baby clothes things big! Exceptions to this rule: socks (I think these are one size anyways and probably unnecessary in most cases) and swaddle-me's (more on this in a later post).

Here is Your Product Review
Just weeks into your life you've outgrown my favorites outfits, but there is good reason for me to be okay with this. What we bought is not what works for us! In our pre-baby shopping we were stocked up on onesies and jumpers (this is what we were told babies wear). Now, just over a week into your life, all we want is a cute diaper and a plain white tee. You're still wearing the one we took home from the hospital (it's kinda tight now - more half shirt like) and your dad has made a run to Target for more.

Here are my calculated benefits of the plain white tee's:

• How easy is it to change a diaper when you have no pants and no snaps to undo?!
  
• The shirts sit nicely above your diaper and don't rub on your umbilical cord.
  
• They are SO easy to change, no need to wrestle with you as we do sliding the onesies over your head (this is important when you spit up all over yourself or worse, if you poopy your onesie).
  
• White matches everything, right?!
  
• If you need pants, we slide some pants on.
  
• If you need something warmer for outside, we put that over your diaper and over your t-shirt.
• If we need something warmer for inside, we wrap you up in blankets or your swaddle-me.
  
• DON'T MISS THIS: Tee shirts with the foldover hand mitten things can be very beneficial to any breastfeeding mother whose child has wandering hands. Believe the scratch marks on my chest, sometimes we need to cover those puppies! Forget them scratching themselves, save yourself!

Their only downfall seems to be their tendency to ride up, especially when they are to small. This hasn't really been an issue for us. We just pull the shirt back down when necessary.

Please, moms out there, buy the plain white tees. You will thank me for it. Make sure not to get them too small, they still fit great when they are a bit too big. It's critical you buy the ones that snap in the front too. Carters and Gerber (at Target) both make good ones. If you buy the non-snap on versions that you have to pull over the head it voids most of the pros I've written here.

In conclusion, the plain white tees are a must have! Here is some even better advice, get them both a see what works better for you. As a first time parent, wanting something easier to put on (small fear of you suffocating during those 10 seconds when I am trying to get some onesies over you head).

Tucker, you spend most of your days and nights in these tees.

day 7 - why does he cry all the time?

I did not know what type of mom I would be. I don't love kids. Maybe I do now. I think I just love you. I had my fears that I wouldn't love you, that you would be some stranger, some slimy, red, puffy baby they lay down on my belly in the hospital. I read about this phenomenon. I was prepared for the chance that would be me.

It didn't happen like that at all. I loved you from the first moment I saw you. There is an unquestionable bond between a mother and a child. From the instant your head pushed it's way into this world that was the way it was to be. Here was my baby, my love. On April 22, a girl grew up, experiencing a love she never new existed.

I understand postpartum depression and I can sympathize with feeling as though your child was a stranger. Here I am in one of the most demanding and important phases of my life and I am surprising myself in the way that I feel truly blessed. It helps that I think you are the cutest baby in the world. It helps that I have countless opportunities to gaze down at your assembly of faces to make while you sleep. It helps that sleepless nights are meaningless as long as I am on maternity leave. It helps that you are such a wonderful being.

Despite my inexperience as a mother, I don't think you cry much at all. We hear some cries when you are hungry. Of course, then we feed you. You cry when we change you diaper, sometimes. Then, some nights, you cry as if you are colicky, kicking out and screaming is it seems the gas or poo works it's way down. This is a bit more alarming, but again I read it is normal. So, in these three ways that you truly cry we only hear 10 or so minutes of crying a day. Nevertheless, in your first week home there's definitely been some 3rd party concern as to the extent of your cries.

I consulted THE source, the internet. Expect up to two hours of crying, more for a colicky baby. Again, I think we are blessed with you.

May the critics be silenced, we have an angel on our hands.

day 6 - is this thing on?

I've received comments from my sister, necessitated through the word of mouth my mom gives her. Apparently we've been holed up in the nursery all day. As if we are confined to this bedroom, doomed to rot away in a sea of spit up and dirty diapers.

No one told me, and definitely no one told them, that you were going to eat all day (and night) every day. We are somewhat confined to this bedroom, but you know what? We are bonding. I adore every minute I get to hold you close and watch you fall asleep contentedly in my lap.

As a first time mom though, I do have to wonder if this breastfeeding thing is working. Are you eating all day because you are not getting enough to eat? Am I failing at milk production? Is something else wrong?

Of course I've asked Google what could be wrong ... And oh the things the internet says could be wrong! Despite all the worrying we've done so far, my instinct here tells me that you and I have this right. You're a natural breast feeder. You are just a hungry, HUNGRY, hippo and you love the mom + Tucker bonding as much as I do.

In defense of the internet, Google didn't just tell me that your frequent feeding was about the end of the world, it also sent me to this reassuring article that we are not alone.

We'll see if this breastfeeding thing is working at your next weight in....

day 5 - a day without a doctor!

Finally, some rest for us all.

day 4 - another day at the doctor

Our emergency trip to the ER last night warranted a followup with the pediatrician. Day 4 and we have a Sunday appointment at your pediatrician, DuPage Medical Group. Very happy with our pediatrician choice so far. Never imagined we could get a Saturday appointment, let alone a Sunday appointment. So, here we are killing two birds with one stone, your initial ped visit and a reassurance check on your circumcision boo boo all rolled into one.

The appointment gave us all some peace of mind despite us getting lost on the way.

Current weight 7 pounds 14 ounces.

day 3 - a word about circumcision care

Day 3 of life outside the womb. Day 1 home from the hospital. Dad and I are exhausted. We spent most of the day holed up in the bedroom / nursery at your grandparents house. I'm still very light headed and sore from the delivery. Your dad is hanging in there like a champ, pulling full diaper duty.

A note to prospective parents: We made an conscientious decision to have our son circumcised. I am not recommending either for or against circumcision, just please be informed on the pros and cons and seriously think about whether or not this is right for your child.

We read up on our discharge papers on how to care for you circumcision. Directions: "if the bandage has not fallen off within 24 hours, soak the bandage in water and remove". As new parents, these directions are terrifying. Can't we just leave the bandage on your swollen, ouchy private? Shouldn't something like this be left to a professional?

Dad went to work unwrapping the bandage. I assisted with the warm water to "soak" the bandage. We were good up to the last tug, which stuck, then bled, then bled some more. You soaked up several gauze pads and on the advice of your to be pediatrician we headed back to the hospital. Home for a little more than 24 hours and we've already broken you.

I never imagined how much I could worry about something or someone. The responsibility is enormous and overwhelming. The stress of it all is crazy. The love we have for you is truly evident and stronger than I could have hoped.

The ER staff at Edward's hospital fixed you up again. We were reassured your blood loss was not as great as it seemed. We headed home more tired, but relieved. You will live to bleed another day!

So, crisis was managed and a lesson was learned - DO NOT TRUST THAT YOUR DISCHARGE PAPERS ARE CORRECT. After we made the mistake of removing your bandage, the remaining doctors assured us that you are NOT to remove the circumcision bandage, it should fall off on its own. When in doubt, call your pediatrician!

P.S. We're sorry!

day 2 - TDaP or is it Dtap?

A word of warning to first time mom's out there. If you are not current on your TDaP vaccine, you'll be asked if you want it during your hospital stay. I was unprepared to answer, but declined. I just didn't see how I could care for my baby with my current state plus the side effects of the vaccine. I was so broken down I honestly did not know if my immune system could handle it. So, yes I declined, but I intend to have it at my 6 week check up.

Of course, whether or not to get the vaccine is a personal choice. I have not found any compelling reason not to have it. I just was not prepared when presented with the choice. Do your research before you go to the hospital!

day 2 - tucker goes home, sort of

Day two was much the same routine, with an entirely different baby. I would not say we were catching up on our sleep, but we were managing naps throughout the day, when we could.

You must have learned what mom had to offer in those first 24 hours as you no longer would sleep without, well, something to suck on. Swaddling, shooshing, none of that worked and without a pacifier I was your only source. In 2009 "they" recommend no pacifiers or bottles for breastfeeding babies in the first four weeks.

Until we figured out your oral frustration, you cried, a lot. As new parents we felt helpless in our inability to comfort you. The frustration was not our lack of experience, but the disheartening feeling that we were not meeting your needs.

Despite packing our hospital bag with clothes and toiletries for each day, I spent the nearly three days we were in the hospital in my hospital gown and hospital underwear. There was no showering, no hair brushing, definitely no makeup. On the day we left I managed to wash my face and brush my teeth. Was I disgusting? Yes. The way I felt once the ache and dizziness from the delivery set in just didn't allow for those luxuries (besides, the hospital bathroom seemed just plain icky and was splattered with my blood a good part of the time). I relinquished myself to just showering once we arrived home.

The blood is another thing. Seriously? Like there isn't enough I have to deal with right now. Sure, some bleeding from the delivery makes sense, but 6 weeks of it? It's another reason to stay in your hospital gown.

I also never expected to be SO uncomfortable in the days (weeks?) after delivery. It's very difficult to scoot across the bed and standing up straight is completely out of the question. I sat up in the chair for a brief minute or two, but it just did not feel right. Hygiene was postponed until we left the hospital.

Suffice it to say, I (we) was exhausted by the end of our hospital stay. The lack of sleep before the delivery in combination with the lack of sleep post delivery, just wasn't sitting well. Your dad and I were looking forward to getting you home.

It took nearly the entire day to get our discharge papers, but we were ready to go when we did. We dressed you up in your already a bit too tight "go home" outfit and I was wheel chaired out the door. We snapped a few unimpressive pictures and set off from the lovely city of Chicago to take you home... to your grandparent's house.

You slept the entire 45 or so minute trip home, where we arrived just before 9 o'clock. We showered, made dinner, fed you, ate, and embarked on some sleep ...

day 1 - the recovery

I guess I thought I would wake the next morning a refreshed, happy mother. I was right about the happy part, nothing else I was prepared for. I never really heard anything about the time AFTER the delivery. It seemed all the literature and preparation took you to the point of delivery and then picked up with baby care. I had no idea what to expect from our hospital stay.


To my surprise, once we arrived at our mom and baby room (around midnight on your birthday), it was not all rest and relaxation. Don't get me wrong, we had the nice bonding moments, but that was just a percentage of the time we spent there.

I was expected to go to the bathroom within hours of the delivery. I cannot even begin to explain how hard this was after delivering a baby. Nothing seemed to work "down there" anymore. I thought I had to go, but couldn't. It was hard enough just sitting down. Of course, the nurse was standing right there, which didn't bother me, but might other moms. I guess the delivery itself wasn't enough exposure.

Well, I was also hungry! Twenty-eight hours without eating is a long time for someone who was pregnant for 24 of those hours. Prospective mommies be ready to fast during the delivery... The cafeteria was closed at this point, but the cheese and mayo sandwich did me just fine. Your father had already eaten the meal that was delivered for me before we pushed you out.

Expecting to sleep at some point, the night was filled with feedings (where you mostly fell asleep) and regular baby and mom checkups. Breakfast came around seven AM, which was fine since my hunger rivaled my sleepiness. I picked the bacon off my vegetarian meal and had some nice warm nourishment.

I chatted with your grandparents later in the morning. The first and foremost topic: how tired THEY were. I can imagine...

The rest of the day was much the same, dosing off, checkups, feedings, cuddling. You had your Hepatitis-D vaccine and slept most of the day away. This parenting thing seemed easy enough, if I could just catch up on my lost sleep. My biggest concern at this point was whether your sleepy head was going to get enough to eat.

day 0 - the labor story (unsensored and long winded)

I woke up at 11:30 PM on April 21, 2009 with a sharp contraction. I'd been asleep for all of 15 minutes. Having wrestled with sleep the entire night before I should have gone to bed earlier, but I didn't. I had stayed up watching an episode of "I didn't know I was pregnant" about, imagine this, women who went an entire 9 months and didn't know they were pregnant. The absurdity of it would make you stay awake to watch too...

So, 11:30 PM I woke up with a sharp contraction. I'd had contractions before, so at this point I thought nothing of it. I took my routine trip to the bathroom and returned to bed.

At 12:30 PM I woke up with another sharp contraction. Again, I'd had contractions before, but never any that woke me up. Things were started to come together. I went to bathroom again and there it was, the infamous mucus plug. Now, this isn't a tell tale sign of labor (so we learned after I woke up your dad and we Googled it). Labor could still be days from now... so we tried to stay calm and stay at home until the contractions are regular (511: 5 minutes apart, 1 minute in length, for 1 hour) like they tell you to.

Admittedly, I wasn't sure if I was having contractions or just a stomach ache. It sounds silly, but to be sure I spent much of the next hour in the bathroom. I didn't want to be that girl who shows up claiming she's in labor and is sent home with a diagnosis of gas. No one wants to be that girl. When we did finally leave for the the hospital, I definitely went with a clean system.

At some point in my bathroom frequenting, blood arrived. Naturally, as first time preggeroni and soon to be first time parents, we were worried. With less than 48 hours to our scheduled induction and my doctor out of town, we called the practice doctor on call. She woke from her slumber to worry us further... "there isn't supposed to be blood" and suggested we come in to get checked out. Note that once we arrived at the hospital every other doctor would tell us blood IS expected. Regardless, with much anxiety we packed up the car, said good bye to your grandparents, and rushed off to the hospital.

Our fears of running into traffic on the way to the hospital were dashed. At 2:00 AM on a Wednesday, there was not much interest in heading from the western suburbs into Chicago. Before the true labor had even begun we arrived at the hospital, exhausted, in the wee hours of the morning. My moderate contractions were consistently around 5 minutes apart ... a sign of baby to come.

I wish this was the part way I say they rushed us up to labor and delivery and two hours later you were born, but I don't. The hospital monitors did not lie, my contractions were real and regular, but I was only dilated 1 cm. Delivery was likely still a ways off. Instead of sending us home (which I am glad they didn't), we were prescribed to walk around the labor and delivery floor, for TWO HOURS.

I put my shoes on and the walking began. Back and forth around the floor where everyone else was having their babies. I stopped each lap to use the restroom and paused every two to five minutes to deal with my strengthening contractions. All the labor techniques they taught us in class went to the way side. None seemed natural except one - leaning against the wall with your dad rubbing my back (anything to get Brian to rub my back).

Somewhere between 60 to 90 of minutes of walking I just couldn't do it anymore. The labor wasn't too bad, but we were just so tired. Here labor was just beginning and it seemed like we had already been awake for 48 hours. We accepted our failure and resigned to lay down and get some sleep.

Your father passed out in the chair, while I fought off sleep denying contractions every two minutes. At 6:00 AM another women came in for an induction, 6 centimeters dilated and feeling no pain whatsoever. It was spiteful.

Somewhere around 7:00 AM they decided to admit us to labor and delivery. They had toyed with sending us home despite my pain and near state of delusional exhaustion. Thankfully, we our scheduled induction a little more than 32 hours away, we were allowed to proceed with your arrival.

We reached our labor and delivery room around 8:00 AM, on Wednesday, April 24, 2009 (your birthday!). Having already inquired about my epidural, I eagerly awaited meeting the anesthesiologist. I had intended to hold off on the epidural, my ignorance of what it truly felt like, had made me reluctant to have one at all. The thought of not being able to feel or move my legs, to be bed ridden, was terrifying. After 9 hours of contractions and no sleep, I was ready to be bed ridden. With the number of contraptions I was hooked up to anyways, I didn't see myself getting up much anyways.

Somehow or another the anesthesiologist was tied up. Perhaps he was busy with another patient, sleeping, eating, or just passing time, but he certainly wasn't feeling the urgency of the epidural as I was. Each time the nurse came by I'd bug her again. When that didn't work I relied on my nurse call button to remind her to send him by. My pleading seemed futile, but much, much later he arrived on his own accord.

Sometime after 9:00 AM the epidural relief hit me. I suddenly felt relaxed and was finally off to catch up on some lost sleep. Your father rolled out the sleeper chair next to me and we both caught some z's.

My advice to pregnant women: GET THE EPIDURAL. Truth is you can move your legs and, especially in the case of a long labor, it makes everything so much more calm. Here is the calm me, epiduraled up, and taking pictures with my mom's camera.



Your grandparents arrived sometime around noon, despite us still being far from delivery. With a pitocin drip added to speed things up, we were making progress, but still hours away. As the hours slipped by your grandparents were off to have once they are now calling the best pizza they've had (from Renaldi's on Broadway and Diversey) and your dad was off to The Counter for a burger. I ate ice chips ...

By 4 PM we had made little progress. I was still only 3cm dilated. But by 6 PM the attending thought I was dilated to 9 inches. Only to later have the doctor tell me I was closer to 8. Still more waiting...

In the time we were there we made good friends with the anesthesiologist who stopped by several times to laugh at my moaning and provide me more relief. At around 6 or 7 PM though, as you rolled lower in my pelvis and onto my left kidney, the pain became intense again. The epidural did little to comfort me, worrying me that the epidural relief would be non existent by the time you came and the pain would be unbearable (to think I once considered natural child birth). As it didn't seem to be working, I may have overdone it with epidural button... Around 7:45 PM though, we were cleared to start pushing and all pain was forgotten.

They don't really prepare you for delivery in any prenatal books, classes, or movies for that matter. Having seen plenty of baby movies this is what I expected ... the baby is coming, it hurts a lot, I push to help things along, and in a matter of minutes the baby has arrived. Only true in the movies and for really lucky people. We may have prematurely started pushing, but we pushed for TWO HOURS trying to get you out. I'm sure it was a combination of things, the epidural dulling my senses to push, my inexperience with how to push correctly, the exhaustion, or your size that slowed things down.

TWO HOURS. Having been told to stop exercising on my back early in my pregnancy, my abdominal muscles were not up to task for the delivery. Thirty minutes in I was weakening on holding my head and chest up to push you down. That's where your dad really stepped in. Of course he was there all along, but at some point he began lifting my head and back up for me, nearly bending me in half to force you down. The pushing itself was confusing ... I did what I thought was working, but each doctor and nurse would shout different, and conflicting, instructions on how to push.

No one ever told we what labor would feel like, but once you reached the "birth canal", I could actually feel that there was something there I needed the get out. By that point you were becoming tachycardic from the stress. I tried harder. At 9:40 PM, we pushed all 8 pounds 8.9 ounces of you into this world.

This is where your dad and my memories of the labor start to differ. Your dad claims you didn't cry, but from what my tired self remembers, they suctioned your nose and the crying began. Then you pooped (we agree on this part). You were placed on my belly for us to meet and to my surprise you weren't overly red and slimy. Your dad claims the opposite. I think he just hadn't seen enough pictures of how icky newborns can be. He declined the cut the cord, but watched over you as you were whisked away.

There was definitely some heightened concern when you were born over your size. Blood was immediately drawn from your heel for a blood sugar test, indicating diabetes. To our relief you passed this first test and each successive one. You were just a surprisingly big baby (relative to your father and me). We were okay with that.

You scored high on your Apgar as well. 8 initially, and 9 after 5 minutes. We were so proud.

It took some time for them to clean you up and sew me back together. The post delivery tear stitches definitely took some time and possibly hurt worse than the deliver. I believe it to be the case of when you are ready for something to be over - and its not over - makes it hurt that much worse. Perhaps my epidural really was wearing off at this point. I was not prepared for all this post delivery prodding.

Between the stitches and the removal of the blood clots it was another hour before your grandparents were allowed in. They had waited mostly patiently in the waiting room for your arrival. Three hours since they had been kicked out they were finally allowed back in. Grandpa made the obligatory phone calls and grandma admired you up close. Exhausted as the rest of us they headed home shortly thereafter and we transferred to a mom and baby room to find some rest, hopefully.

the baby making story

You were born April 22, 2009 and 9:40 PM, but your story doesn't begin there...

Your father, Brian, and I were married on June 6, 2008 in Sonoma, California after dating for most of seven or so years. It wasn't long thereafter you were conceived. You were born almost 11 months from our wedding date. No confusion there, we definitely were married before we made you.

You'll hate hearing this probably until you have kids of your own, but we tried VERY hard to get pregnant the month after we were married. We were astonished when it didn't take. Somehow more busy in July, we severely toned down the baby making trying, down to where we can pinpoint when you were conceived.

Much to our surprise, in early August I learned I was pregnant while at my doctor for a normal checkup. As my appointment had already ended, they called me back from the waiting room, made me wait alone in an exam room for an unearthly amount of time, and then my doctor came in to break the news. It was the most unbelievable news ... nothing short of a miracle and completely astounding.

Your father and I were both working from home for IBM at the time, but he had for some reason decided to go into the office that day. What turned in to a quick trip to the office left me sitting at home for hours with this amazing news. It was completely unexpected, so I didn't know how to break it to him. I believe the instant he came home, I just blurted it out, standing in the kitchen with an ear to ear grin...

the where this all took place story

You will probably hear until you are blue in the face about how your father and I lived in Chicago the two and a half years before you were born. As if having lived downtown is proof that your father and I actually are cool, respectable people. In a one bedroom condo on Briar Street, we were in an amazing location in the heart of boys town, East Lakeview, a block from the lake and walking distance to just about everything. We loved it so much that we thought we would raise you for a year or two there... who were we kidding?

During the fall of the pregnancy house prices plummeted, mortgage rates fell, and somehow the value of our condo held its own. We decided to take advantage of the housing situation and make the unmentionable move to the suburbs where you could be close to your grandparents and we all would have a bit of breathing room. With your dad working from home, we just didn't see how that could be accomplished with a baby and mom underfoot.

A few months into the pregnancy, post morning sickness, we put the condo up for sale and started looking for homes in Lisle and Naperville, Illinois. The condo "sold" in about two weeks to the first person that scheduled to come through it (I told you it was a great place). Unfortunately, due to the the ongoing mortgage crisis, it took us three months to actually close on the sale of the place. With one hiccup after another, we officially sold the condo and purchased a new old house in Naperville on March 6, 2009.

It is important to note that our closing was delayed a week, thanks to Wells Fargo bank (who hopefully won't be around by the time you care to read this) who decided the day before we were to close to rescind our buyer's loan. Amazingly, she was able to put things back together a week later, but the damage had been done. The contractor we had scheduled to put in new hardwoods had to reschedule us for six weeks later, severely delaying our move in date.

I was crushed initially, the dream of taking you home from the hospital to your nursery was gone. On the flip side, we had moved so that you could be closer to your grandparents and so we moved in with them for the time being, when I was around 8 months pregnant with you. The move was somewhat of a blessing as mom (your grandma) took care of us and cooked us all these wonderful healthy meals for you. I tried to take it easy those next two months while helping out as much as possible with getting the new house ready. Your dad was working exhaustively while renovating the bathroom, getting the floors ready for the hardwoods, and painting all the walls while still working more than full time on his paying job.

I worked up to your delivery date and then until your actual birth date. I was fortunate enough to have been on a project those last 5 weeks at work where I was able to work from home. It was definitely a god send as you were getting bigger and bigger by the day and much more difficult to carry around. Besides, the train conductor was getting awfully nervous each day he saw me climb on the train to downtown.

On March 7, 2009, the home renovations began. Taring up carpets, baseboards, the entire master bath and priming and painting all the rooms in the house. The house renovations (up to your birth date) are documented here. I wouldn't say we were in over our heads, but there was A LOT of work to be done. Your grandparents pitched in, as did your uncle Walter, who also happened to be living with your grandparents at the time. It was a true family effort to get the house ready for Tucker! As I mentioned, with the closing delay, Tom (Farr), the hard wood guy, was delayed in starting. He was nice enough to give up a few of his weekends to get started early, but the grunt of the work didn't start until April 13th. Yes, the day before your due date.

The renovations would consume us up until I went into labor. Despite our efforts, we would not be moving in until much passed your birth date. Waiting as long as possible to allow fumes to dissipate.

pass due

12:00 AM, April 15, 2009, due date missed. juggling emotions of wanting to meet my baby and needing more time to get ready for my baby! scheduling an induction soon...