the baby nanny drama, part ii

The Nanny #3 Story - The Drunk Nanny
Round three of of finding a nanny actually brought an overall more qualified set of candidates. Two had education in early child development, one had day care experience, and one was a mother (the best experience you can get). We actually felt good about four different candidates, but each had their flaws. Candidate 1 had little flexibility in her schedule. So babysitting or overtime was out of the question. Candidate 2 seemed out of our price point. Candidate 3 wanted to bring her own child, and Candidate 4 seemed a bit immature. In the end it was the immature Candidate 4 that was our Nanny #3 choice.

Like I said, Nanny #3 seemed a bit immature showing up with a big blue piece of bubble gum, which would by the end of the interview have turned her entire mouth blue. Despite her immaturity, she had a year of experience with a baby younger than Tucker (when she started) and according to her references she was always on time, worked wonders with an autistic child, and even taught the baby how to fall asleep on his own. We loved what she had to say about the positive demeanor she tries to take with the child, exactly the philosophy I prescribe to. Like the idea that when a child takes a tumble, if you act like nothing happened, the child thinks nothing of it. However, if you gasp and ask, "are you okay?!", tears are immediately shed.

We had initially decided to bring two candidates out for trial days. As luck would have it one of them took another position. Since we had already scheduled Candidate #4 to come out on Wednesday, we kept the date with the intention of hiring her that evening.

At 12:06 AM on Wednesday, a mere nine hours before Nanny #3 was to start we received this:

"Hey I'm sorry it's so late, I need to actually do some errends tommarrow. I deffinitly want to come and start thus procces right away. Would it be too much to ask if Thursday is better? Thanks again : ) can't wait to see that adorable little Tucker again"

Sigh...


The Nanny #4 Story - The Nanny?
Another round of interviews followed. With little success in contacting the other two candidates from the previous round, we interviewed only three more candidates. We tried to interview four, but one simply kept rescheduling regardless of how valid her reasons were or were not. While we loved the energy one young grandmother and thought she would be a wonderful influence, we went with a young mother with both relevant nanny and life experience. She seems reliable, kind, and completely qualified. I hate to get too overly excited about her, but this one does seem to be both a wonderful caretaker for Tucker and it seems as though she might stick. She's only been out here twice and won't start for another week, but for now she is a breath of fresh air.

Here is to hoping, again...

the baby nanny drama

With a face like Tucker's you might wonder why it could possibly be hard to find a nanny. Well, I can't say for sure why, but I can testify to the near impossibility of finding a nanny. I'm guessing the trouble has something to do with unreliable, unmotivated, and in-compassionate people. That is just a guess.

The Nanny #1 Story - The Super Nanny
We hired Tucker's first nanny to start three weeks ago. Despite being in her early twenties, Nanny #1 had a resume and references that read something like you might expect of Super Nanny. She even had the knowledge and know how to convince that she was legit. She actually taught us a thing or two during her interview. So, we hired her.

So, what happened to Super Nanny #1? She came, she saw, she quit. She lasted 4 days. Actually, I think she quit on the second day, but was nice enough to help out for the remaining days. I confess that she definitely had a legitimate reason to quit. The trusting person in me believes her story wholeheartedly, but I wonder if that is a little (or a lot) naive. Apparently, her aunt died in her sleep, leaving behind a now single husband and four kids, one of which is six weeks old. The reliable person Nanny #1 is, she jumped to their aid, as she certainly should. Her story break my heart. A six week old baby lost without its mother, searching for her warmth but finding only an unfamiliar bottle, and refusing it. So, one week into my return to work and we were without a nanny.

The Nanny #2 Story - The Super Expensive Nanny
As luck would have it, the day I returned from work I learned of a great blessing which had been handed to me. The unpaid leave of absence I had decided to take at the end of my maternity leave resulted in a "change of status" thereby granting me the right to change my company benefits enrollment. What does this really mean? It means I could enroll in the Dependent Care Spending Account (DCSA). $5,000 I could allocate to untaxed dollars to pay for Tucker's nanny. The result? We were now able to afford our Nanny #1, #1 Pick that I didn't mention earlier.

During our first round of nanny interviews we fell in love with one candidate (that was problem #1). We were very excited to extend her an offer, but she turned us down on grounds of not enough money. Consequently, we went with the equally qualified, but not quite as happy Nanny #1 that we could afford. However, with the extra tax free savings from the DCSA we were now able to afford our #1 Pick. Almost seems as if our bad luck with the first nanny was a blessing, especially when on her last day with us Brian found her watching soaps with Tucker professing they "help keep him quiet". Wonderful. The weekend after Nanny #1 quit, we hired Nanny #2, to start the following Friday. With an accepted job offer and excitement all around, Brian and I settled back into our routine until Thursday's landslide.

Thursday morning, the day before Nanny #2 was to start, I was able to work from home to help Brian juggle Tucker and work (no easy feat, especially when you distaste ignoring your child for one moment). I was quietly sipping my morning coffee when the bomb dropped. Not a phone call, but an e-mail...

"I regret to tell you that I am not going to accept the position as nanny for your son. I do apologize and hope I have not inconvienced you. My current place of employment has offered me more money and more hours to stay. However if you are ever in need of a babysitter on the weekends I would love to help you out. I hope you can understand this difficult decision I've had to make.

Thank you,"
Nanny #2

Ouch. To be continued ...

stress

One of the recent topics on momversation.com resonated with the current conflicts of my life as a new mother. Here it comes. My descent into life as a working mother. Seven work days and counting ...




With the circumcision situation, umbilical cord malfunction, and two month vaccinations behind us, the thought and process of returning to work has elevated my stress level to say, well, a place I'd rather it not be. I should be enjoying my last week and a half of maternity leave, not stressing about its end. And so it goes ...

A deadening sensation sets in each time I think of not being Tucker's primary care giver during the day. I just gave life to this amazing young man and now I am abandoning him to the best, yet affordable, person we can find. My womb hurts.

If not me, who to subsequently raise my son?

I visited a daycare yesterday (I had to at least perform my due diligence of this somewhat affordable option). It made me want to cry. No, it made me want to weep.

There was this odor. Not just an odor of everything doused in spit up. But an old sweaty, mildew in the carpet odor. The kind of odor that makes you glad you are wearing shoes and won't let you put your poor kid down for a moment. It was THAT odor and I immediately wanted to leave.

Then I saw the cribs. Ten sad cribs. Ten sad, white, aluminum cribs. They looked like something in an insane asylum, only who puts babies in an insane asylum? Was this Baby Interrupted? At any moment was Angelina Jolie going to come running around the corner to scream at me? No, this was not the place for my child. Not this daycare.

I'm not completely against daycare. I'm sure there are some good, non-stinky, completely sane ones and I do love the idea of the structure and expertise they give your child. However, dropping an infant off in a strange place just with people you don't know does not sit well with me. Here comes that deadening feeling again...

Not that leaving my child at home with a stranger makes me feel any better. Here is where we are lucky. God bless my lucky stars on this one lucky. Brian works from home, providing a sense of relief, a security blanket of sorts allowing us to comfortably build a relationship with a nanny under Brian's supervision or backup, whichever it may be. Tucker doesn't need a June Cleaver or Mary Poppins as a nanny because he has someone even better there, his daddy.

And here is hoping for my own luck. I work as a consultant for a big company, so I periodically have to interview to find an assignment to apply my expertise to. I had an interview yesterday for a job assignment. If, cross my fingers, if I get this job assignment I'll be able to work from home as well, keeping a well tuned ear on Tucker, feeding him during the day instead of pumping in some unforeseen place, and always within range to snuggle him close if my separation anxiety insists.

Now cross your fingers that we can also afford the nanny.