dear tucker

Tucker has something to say...

2009-12-12T19:07:00.000-08:00

I had a heart attack

2009-09-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

My heart stopped. My stomach wrenched. I ran. I RAN to Tucker's room.

My worst nightmare, was it coming true?

Well, no, it wasn't. But for a few seconds I thought it might be and in the few seconds it took me to gasp and run to Tucker's room I made Brian feel the exact same way.

So what happened? Again, nothing, nothing happened. Except ...

Tucker has learned to roll over and sleep on his stomach. After three nights of this routine I am easing into accepting it. Belly sleeping seems to have become his preferred modus operandi. I know, I know, "babies used to always sleep on their stomachs", but not these days and not my baby.

Monday morning was the first such incident. I was going about my normal getting ready for work routine which happens to include checking the video monitor to see if my little one is stirring. This Monday morning there was no stir. Tucker was face down in his crib. Here is when I panicked and RAN to him. Still dark this early fall morning I flipped on his bedroom light and dashed to his crib side where he lay still. With my heart no longer beating, I called on my lungs... "TUCKER!"

That is when panic turned to relief and then to... oops. Not quite understanding the fuss, in an instant Tucker was dazed, yet up and in full-arm-extension-upward-dog-position. "I'm up! I'm up!", he seemed to be saying as he anxiously looked around for the fire or oncoming train.

As much as we take pride in all of his milestones (which he seems to be reaching at a feverish rate) they mean both independence and choice, at least in regards to which way he sleeps. We can spend all night flipping him back on his back or we can accept that he found a position that might help him sleep longer through the night.

We already spend all night now watching him on the his monitor to make sure when he does flip over that he does know to turn his head to the side and continues to do so through the night. From the angle of the baby monitor, he undoubtedly looks as though he is face-planted-deathly-still in his crib. In reality he is comfortable slumbering away. A lesson to take away when using a baby monitor or trying to get some sleep...

We are back!

2009-09-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

I have managed to let a month slip by without a note about Tucker. How did that happen? It is actually surprising I had been so consistent in my documentary of Tucker's days and nights. So, when September hit us with his four month vaccinations, his first cold (!), a sinus infection for me, work, a family weekend, and a wedding (in which I was the photographer) I let blogging slip, concentrating my spare energy and time on Tucker and filling gaps with sleep and related responsibilities. Here we are a month later all happy, healthy, and ready to pick back up with our "normal" lives.

With a four month birthday on August 22, 2009 and a demandingly healthy appetite, Tucker was reaching the maximum capacity of his clothes, pushing the limits of what "fits". Weighing in at 16 pounds 13 oz and 26 inches long, Tucker had stamped his ticket into the big little boy clothes. Yes, my four month old son (now 5 months!) had graduated into NINE MONTH old sleepers. So, here come the cliche... They grow up so fast.

We like to lay Tucker down at night in onesie sleepers. Carters makes wonderfully cuddly fleece fitted onesies, thanks to Jill and Ben for gifting us with the one Tucker is pictured in here!

As a side, the velour ones are my personal favorites due to their ability to turn Tucker into the ultimate snuggler, but apparently they are not as popular with the onesie makers and much harder to come by. Regardless, the footed onesies are perfect for the non-swaddling sleeper and so they have become Tucker's nightly dressing. I guess when Tucker was no longer able to straighten his legs in the majority of his clothes, we realized he needed some new clothes. When we saw he could no longer assume anything but he fetal position we decided we should buy him some new clothes. When he popped the snaps on his onesie and ended up bottomless with leggings floated up half-shirt style, I decided to go out and buy him some clothes.

As quickly as he was outgrowing his clothes, Tucker seemed to be outgrowing his toys. More appropriately, Tucker seemed to be growing into a whole new set of toys, yearning for new mental challenges and explorations. With Tucker nestled in the baby Bjorn one Friday evening, Tucker and I explored the endless racks of clothes and toys (before he fell asleep) at our local Babies R Us and the adjacent Target. Retail therapy accomplished, Tucker and I hunted down mom's favorite new sleepers (for Tucker) and a set of new toys all of which are his favorite. The same weekend Tucker's grandparents were out on a similar venture, finding him this crazy contraption for entertainment away from his house.

We can already see his head growing from the extra synapses firing...

rollover minutes

2009-08-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

Between work and the nanny drama I've missed the opportunity to capture the details of Tucker's recent milestones. I've missed some of those milestones too (as well as missing him immensely in general). He has been moving a mile a minute and growing up even faster, despite my best attempts to snuggle him into babyhood forever.

A week ago I would have written about his increased vocabulary, his goos, gaas, and even a garoo here and there. I would have made note of his recent love of toys, countless time spent exploring them, shaking them, add even throwing them. Oh, and the chewing! I would have mention him chewing on his toys, chewing on his fingers, sometimes even trying to chew on both fists at once! Remarkable! Yes, we think my little baby Tucker might even be starting to teeth. I went to work for a few weeks and he grew up (I guess that lost snuggle time allowed him to slip into a growth spurt).

The now big news is... the rollover. Actually, he rolled over a week ago too, but I missed it. Then I missed it again. And again. But with a vacation day on Monday and an opportunity for a quick photo shoot, there it was. I propped him on his belly for some cute tummy time photos and he did it. "Mommy! Look!", Plop. And suddenly Tucker was belly up again.

the baby nanny drama, part ii

2009-08-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

The Nanny #3 Story - The Drunk Nanny
Round three of of finding a nanny actually brought an overall more qualified set of candidates. Two had education in early child development, one had day care experience, and one was a mother (the best experience you can get). We actually felt good about four different candidates, but each had their flaws. Candidate 1 had little flexibility in her schedule. So babysitting or overtime was out of the question. Candidate 2 seemed out of our price point. Candidate 3 wanted to bring her own child, and Candidate 4 seemed a bit immature. In the end it was the immature Candidate 4 that was our Nanny #3 choice.

Like I said, Nanny #3 seemed a bit immature showing up with a big blue piece of bubble gum, which would by the end of the interview have turned her entire mouth blue. Despite her immaturity, she had a year of experience with a baby younger than Tucker (when she started) and according to her references she was always on time, worked wonders with an autistic child, and even taught the baby how to fall asleep on his own. We loved what she had to say about the positive demeanor she tries to take with the child, exactly the philosophy I prescribe to. Like the idea that when a child takes a tumble, if you act like nothing happened, the child thinks nothing of it. However, if you gasp and ask, "are you okay?!", tears are immediately shed.

We had initially decided to bring two candidates out for trial days. As luck would have it one of them took another position. Since we had already scheduled Candidate #4 to come out on Wednesday, we kept the date with the intention of hiring her that evening.

At 12:06 AM on Wednesday, a mere nine hours before Nanny #3 was to start we received this:

"Hey I'm sorry it's so late, I need to actually do some errends tommarrow. I deffinitly want to come and start thus procces right away. Would it be too much to ask if Thursday is better? Thanks again : ) can't wait to see that adorable little Tucker again"

Sigh...

The Nanny #4 Story - The Nanny?
Another round of interviews followed. With little success in contacting the other two candidates from the previous round, we interviewed only three more candidates. We tried to interview four, but one simply kept rescheduling regardless of how valid her reasons were or were not. While we loved the energy one young grandmother and thought she would be a wonderful influence, we went with a young mother with both relevant nanny and life experience. She seems reliable, kind, and completely qualified. I hate to get too overly excited about her, but this one does seem to be both a wonderful caretaker for Tucker and it seems as though she might stick. She's only been out here twice and won't start for another week, but for now she is a breath of fresh air.

Here is to hoping, again...

the baby nanny drama

2009-08-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

With a face like Tucker's you might wonder why it could possibly be hard to find a nanny. Well, I can't say for sure why, but I can testify to the near impossibility of finding a nanny. I'm guessing the trouble has something to do with unreliable, unmotivated, and in-compassionate people. That is just a guess.

The Nanny #1 Story - The Super Nanny
We hired Tucker's first nanny to start three weeks ago. Despite being in her early twenties, Nanny #1 had a resume and references that read something like you might expect of Super Nanny. She even had the knowledge and know how to convince that she was legit. She actually taught us a thing or two during her interview. So, we hired her.

So, what happened to Super Nanny #1? She came, she saw, she quit. She lasted 4 days. Actually, I think she quit on the second day, but was nice enough to help out for the remaining days. I confess that she definitely had a legitimate reason to quit. The trusting person in me believes her story wholeheartedly, but I wonder if that is a little (or a lot) naive. Apparently, her aunt died in her sleep, leaving behind a now single husband and four kids, one of which is six weeks old. The reliable person Nanny #1 is, she jumped to their aid, as she certainly should. Her story break my heart. A six week old baby lost without its mother, searching for her warmth but finding only an unfamiliar bottle, and refusing it. So, one week into my return to work and we were without a nanny.

The Nanny #2 Story - The Super Expensive Nanny
As luck would have it, the day I returned from work I learned of a great blessing which had been handed to me. The unpaid leave of absence I had decided to take at the end of my maternity leave resulted in a "change of status" thereby granting me the right to change my company benefits enrollment. What does this really mean? It means I could enroll in the Dependent Care Spending Account (DCSA). $5,000 I could allocate to untaxed dollars to pay for Tucker's nanny. The result? We were now able to afford our Nanny #1, #1 Pick that I didn't mention earlier.

During our first round of nanny interviews we fell in love with one candidate (that was problem #1). We were very excited to extend her an offer, but she turned us down on grounds of not enough money. Consequently, we went with the equally qualified, but not quite as happy Nanny #1 that we could afford. However, with the extra tax free savings from the DCSA we were now able to afford our #1 Pick. Almost seems as if our bad luck with the first nanny was a blessing, especially when on her last day with us Brian found her watching soaps with Tucker professing they "help keep him quiet". Wonderful. The weekend after Nanny #1 quit, we hired Nanny #2, to start the following Friday. With an accepted job offer and excitement all around, Brian and I settled back into our routine until Thursday's landslide.

Thursday morning, the day before Nanny #2 was to start, I was able to work from home to help Brian juggle Tucker and work (no easy feat, especially when you distaste ignoring your child for one moment). I was quietly sipping my morning coffee when the bomb dropped. Not a phone call, but an e-mail...

"I regret to tell you that I am not going to accept the position as nanny for your son. I do apologize and hope I have not inconvienced you. My current place of employment has offered me more money and more hours to stay. However if you are ever in need of a babysitter on the weekends I would love to help you out. I hope you can understand this difficult decision I've had to make.

Thank you,"
Nanny #2

Ouch. To be continued ...

Working at Work Mom (WAWM)

2009-07-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

This week marked my return to work and both the furthest and the longest I've been away from Tucker. I had not heard back from that coveted work at home assignment I interviewed for and have been commuting to the city since Tuesday for a subjectively better position. As luck would have it the manager of the work at home assignment contacted me today to see if I was still available. Nice. My fate was already decided.

I shed some tears my first day back, a lot of tears the week before, but for the most part I've been a trooper. Tucker has been too. Tuesday was a struggle with some gas (Tucker, not me), not napping for the nanny, and the unforeseen stench from the granite installation that forced nanny and Tuck to his grandma's house. Wednesday was a bit better. By Thursday Tucker had three meals and three good naps on schedule! And now we are in search of a new nanny -- there is another post for you.

Brian set me up with a wireless card allowing me an extra hour a day of work (or writing ...) on the train ride. So, here I am traveling at 50 or so miles per hour and blogging. The nice thing about commuting from Naperville is that there is a zero-stop train straight from Chicago, cutting down on both the motion sickness and time away.

Not wanting to leave my baby, I can't say that I am all smiles. As you could imagine, it is a bit hard to smile at all. However, I said I was being a trooper about it and I am looking on the bright side. That being said, this the bright side:

Focused quality time with Tucker when I am home!
Forced personal time on the train for extra work, blogging, or surfing!
Requisite daily showers.
Minimized spit up coverage and outfit changes.
Helps promote Tucker onto a sleeping and eating schedule.
Great excuse to splurge on a daily (decaf) latte.
The Chai Tea latte at Rom (that I couldn't have while I was pregnant)
Seeing work buddies, most of whom have also had kids in the past year or two.
Get to use my Argo Tea frequent buyer cards.
Opportunity to see and appreciate the great city of Chicago!
A paycheck.

naked at 3 months

2009-07-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Tucker's 3 month birthday yesterday. By celebrate I mean we deviated from the "typical" day in which I go to work, come home, play, bathe Tuck, and let Brian put Tuck to bed. No, today was a special day.

The routine started out no different than normal (as normal as it gets the second day in). I woke up at 6:10 and performed my get ready routine followed by feeding, cuddling, and playing with Tucker and letting Brian change Tucker into his day clothes while I did the same. You have to understand that Tucker is irresistibly cute in the morning, one astonishingly happy baby. This morning was no exception, but with a twist. A half naked twist, with baby and dad both opting to go topless. Any mother would understand, and single women out there too, there is just something touching about a baby and his dad, add in the natural beauty of this skin to skin moment, and well, it is just breathtaking. It is a moment that commands you to stop, take notice, and record it in the (baby) books. And that is how we started Tucker's 3 month birthday. Topless Dad and Tuck and mom insisting on a birthday suit photo shoot.

Once clothed, we fastened the birthday boy into his car seat headed for the train station. As luck would have it this day the morning radio politely informed us that the 7:24 train, which I had heard rumbling through town while taking my last restroom break at home had mechanical problems resulting in not a single person from Naperville getting onto one of the busiest trains into the city. I knew what it meant, the already packed 7:44 train would be even busier, making it impossible to get a seat or even standing room. There would be no work and no blogging on that train, so what did we do? We skipped it. Yes, I said it, we SKIPPED IT. The split decision was made to abandon the plans of the catching the train we had all work so diligently to make. We diverted instead to the Starbucks for a much better plan: 1 grande latte + 1 tall decaf latte + 1 hot apple fritter and some chat time with Tucker. A nice family morning for Tucker's birthday.

Of course, I caught the 8:00 train and went to work, but this was a truly wonderful day regardless. One of those days you wish you would have if you weren't so busy living life. We stepped back and appreciated the roses a bit. Happy Birthday Tucker, we love you!

stress

2009-07-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

One of the recent topics on momversation.com resonated with the current conflicts of my life as a new mother. Here it comes. My descent into life as a working mother. Seven work days and counting ...

With the circumcision situation, umbilical cord malfunction, and two month vaccinations behind us, the thought and process of returning to work has elevated my stress level to say, well, a place I'd rather it not be. I should be enjoying my last week and a half of maternity leave, not stressing about its end. And so it goes ...

A deadening sensation sets in each time I think of not being Tucker's primary care giver during the day. I just gave life to this amazing young man and now I am abandoning him to the best, yet affordable, person we can find. My womb hurts.

If not me, who to subsequently raise my son?

I visited a daycare yesterday (I had to at least perform my due diligence of this somewhat affordable option). It made me want to cry. No, it made me want to weep.

There was this odor. Not just an odor of everything doused in spit up. But an old sweaty, mildew in the carpet odor. The kind of odor that makes you glad you are wearing shoes and won't let you put your poor kid down for a moment. It was THAT odor and I immediately wanted to leave.

Then I saw the cribs. Ten sad cribs. Ten sad, white, aluminum cribs. They looked like something in an insane asylum, only who puts babies in an insane asylum? Was this Baby Interrupted? At any moment was Angelina Jolie going to come running around the corner to scream at me? No, this was not the place for my child. Not this daycare.

I'm not completely against daycare. I'm sure there are some good, non-stinky, completely sane ones and I do love the idea of the structure and expertise they give your child. However, dropping an infant off in a strange place just with people you don't know does not sit well with me. Here comes that deadening feeling again...

Not that leaving my child at home with a stranger makes me feel any better. Here is where we are lucky. God bless my lucky stars on this one lucky. Brian works from home, providing a sense of relief, a security blanket of sorts allowing us to comfortably build a relationship with a nanny under Brian's supervision or backup, whichever it may be. Tucker doesn't need a June Cleaver or Mary Poppins as a nanny because he has someone even better there, his daddy.

And here is hoping for my own luck. I work as a consultant for a big company, so I periodically have to interview to find an assignment to apply my expertise to. I had an interview yesterday for a job assignment. If, cross my fingers, if I get this job assignment I'll be able to work from home as well, keeping a well tuned ear on Tucker, feeding him during the day instead of pumping in some unforeseen place, and always within range to snuggle him close if my separation anxiety insists.

Now cross your fingers that we can also afford the nanny.

the baby bidet, aka "the butt bath"

2009-07-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

...and how to wash your baby's bum

My own mother will love this post. She has a general feeling that most of the baby handling tactics she employed as a mother are either outdated or atrocious. I'm here to tell her differently and soothe that slightly uncomfortable feeling she suppresses each time she Tucker sits. This particular tactic, which we like to call the "butt bath" (love the alliteration, or is that assonance?), was passed down from her own mother as well.

There comes a time in every mother's life where the inevitable sets in. Yes, I mean diaper rash. The red, swollen, puffy, rash that attacks the teeniest of the bums. Ointments help, but they only go so far. Conquering diaper rash begins with stopping the culprit...

We bring our delicate little babies home from the hospital and think diaper wipes (yes, butt wipes) are the key to a clean tushy. While they do help in the cleanliness arena and boy are they convenient, they one of several sure fire ways to all but give your babe "the rash" (in addition to just plain not changing your poor babies diaper or having a diaper that doesn't whisk away the soil well).

The baby bible, WhatToExpect, recommends using cotton balls and water. Yeah right, I thought, there was no way that water and a little cotton ball would sufficient clean off my baby's tushy (yes, I have high cleanliness standards). Surprisingly, I have become a cotton ball convert, yet there are times when no amount of cotton balls nor wipes are sufficient. I mean poo up the back or even worse, poo up the front. Gooey poo stuck in the baby fat folds and crevices where poo should not go. By the way, I'm not sure how this phenomenon happens, at times I think Tucker's pee and poo channels are switched. Nevertheless, this is when you must have a good enough heart to full on bath your baby and rinse the misfit poo away. Even better, or in a time crunch, give him the butt bath.

The pictures tell the story. Warm the water to the desired temperature and go. Initially, finding the correct hold may be tricky. Getting from the changing table to the sink without getting poopy on yourself or the changing table is key. The recommended approach is as follows:

Undress the bottom half.
(use a wipe or cloth to protect the changing table if necessary)
Tuck the top half or onesie (if still clean) under the armpits.
Carry your baby to the sink with two hands while holding up the shirt under under each armpit.
As you approach the sink, roll the baby onto the inside of your forearm for support, such that you can hold the baby with one arm and use the other for washing.
For added support, rest the arm holding the baby on the sink basin.
Wash that baby bum!

You will need firm, precise one hand holding of the baby to master this technique. The butt bath works best if you can manipulate your kid directly under the water stream. Otherwise, some degree of water diversion and rubbing is in order. In a poo up the front situation or just to freshen up a bit, a front bath may be in order as well.

The result is a clean, happy baby, with zero wipe-detergent, cotton, pee or poo residue and you are on your way to preventing diaper rash or nipping in the, well, butt. Just make sure you have a good handle on your baby, the right water temperature, and a handy towel when attempting. Then just follow the sure fire techniques for air-drying (or hair-drying) you baby's bum.

As a baby testament, Tucker is all smiles after a good morning, or afternoon, poo and his subsequent butt bath. He enjoys the attention to detail on his bottom half, the closeness to mom, and that fresh out of the womb feeling. Butt bath time for Tucker is like a relaxing game, so relaxing that from time to time you will find him standing up during his front bath and casually relieving himself in the warm shower stream.

This is why I became a mother and a photographer.

2009-07-01T16:03:00.000-07:00

These pictures speak for themselves. The absolute glee and emotion that runs through Tucker as he watches his mobile is completely indescribable. Notice how he kicks his blanket off in all the excitement. This is exactly the reason why I wanted to become a photographer, to capture moments like these and instill their memories for a lifetime. I couldn't narrow down the pictures any better than I could attempt to explain his raw enthusiasm. See his wonderment for yourselves. Try not to smile :)

After fifteen or so ecstatic minutes in his crib eye chasing his mobile around, Tucker came and laid down with me in our bed. Together we stared up at Brian's and my mobile.

welcome to the family!

2009-06-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

We're working on some enticing new blog posts, but in the meantime we wanted to say a big happy birthday and welcome to this world to Tucker's little cousin Kaitlyn Annabelle Ranft born on Saturday, June 27, 2009. We'll get the correct spelling of her name soon...

mom's club

2009-06-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

I managed to get de-spitup-ed and all fancied up for a Naperville mom's group ladies' event last night at the Frank Gironda salon in Naperville. I was pampered with free spa gifts and treatments but not before we snapped a respectable picture of me and Tucker. When you are the photographer in the family you tend to get left out of photos...

the funny thing about ads

2009-06-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well, so someone read my post about having ads on my blog as I actually got my first hits on the ads (thank you blog reader!). Google provides me statistics on the number of blog page hits I have and the number of clicks on the ads. They don't tell me who is visiting my site or which ads are being clicked. Worries aside, your deartucker viewing is still completely anonymous (unless you choose to leave a comment, of course)!

So, someone clicked on my ads, which is funny as this blog is about Tucker, us, being a mom, and you know, baby stuff. With my recent post about his infant-vaccinations though, Google must have thought my blog was about completely something else. I'd tell you what that is, but if I put it in writing, the ads will stick. This is how it works, Google "crawls" my web-site at some time during the week, possibly multiple times. Based on the content of my blog, Google picks related ads. Since this crawling action does not take place nightly, relevant ads (such as for Blood Cord donation, or the Stokke Explorer) may not be back for a few days. In the meantime, please enjoy these ads that are more appropriate for a Doogie Howser related blog.

Having now written two posts on these ads though, I wonder what the next round of ads will be?

Let's try to nip this in the bud: infant, infant, infant, infant, boppie, boppie, boppie, boppie, newborn, newborn, newborn, newborn, stroller, stroller, stroller, stroller.

Happy Friday to All!

chatty cathy

2009-06-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Tucker, you, having a complete dialog with "the other baby" in the mirror of your my My Little Lamb Swing. Cooing, laughing, calling, then near crying. All with animated arms and face. Pure, unbounded, joy. We need a video camera.

This leads me to one of my hopes of having a child... Other than complete life fulfillment, I'm hoping beyond all hope that having a child will bring back to my life some of the creativity and imagination I've lost over the course of my lifetime. You know the artistic fun side one has before they spend tens years working in corporate America? Yeah, I'm hoping to rediscover that part of myself, enhance it, and apply it to my life, my writing, and my photography.

Here's to children and all the wonderment they bring to our lives!

why the ads?

2009-06-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

I've started running ads on this blog. Why? Well, one for complete experimental reasons. Two, to generate any sort of funding that I can. Funding for the camera equipment and the disk space to document Tucker's life. Maybe even funding for his college tuition... Here's hoping!

The number of hits on the site are good, but low for generating money, about 100 people this week, but no real action on the ads. We'll see if I can grow Superman's fan base ;)

superman!

2009-06-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

The dreaded day had arrived. Vaccinations.

Thanks to Jenny McCarthy and one Supreme Court verdict, I was terrified to take you to the doctor. I had done my research. I read up on the side effects. I heard the testimonies on vaccinations and autism. I wasn't happy with what we had to do.

Is the risk of my child catching Tetanus, Diptheria or Pertussis seriously greater than the chances of these side effects from the TDaP vaccination? Simply running a fever and just being upset by the vaccinations is torture enough for a parent. And the autism scare, what if two days from now my child, my wonderful, happy, breath of fresh (and poopy) air child is suddenly non-responsive? How could I live with what I had done to my child? Knowing who he was and his personality that resulted from something the world told me I needed to do. How could I live with that loss?

At one month visit you needed only a single shot, Hepatitis B. You slept the entire day afterward. You can't tell me that wasn't a side effect. I asked the pediatrician that day about what concerns we should have over the vaccination. He responded by saying, "Who are you, the one that keeps everyone away from your child?". We didn't switch practices after that remark, but we certainly jumped to a new doctor within the practice. Am I not to have a say in my child's immunization schedule? Would I be a good mother if I didn't question what gets pumped into my baby?

Nevertheless, I let wisdom or influence or fear of the I told you so lead us back to the pediatrician, armed with your superman onesie and apprehension. Friendly advice told us the vaccines hurt us worse than it would hurt you, but I can't really say that was true. While you were the true angel you are throughout the visit, the shots (2 of them) clearly hurt. The nurse was quick to administer them, but you were quicker to turn so red I truly thought your eyes would have popped out of your head had you not had them closed so tightly. The bandaides could not have been put on quick enough for me to grab you into my arms and assure you all would be okay.

Like the brave boy you are, you settled quickly and managed to fall fast asleep against my chest, as if the short but extreme trauma had sent you into complete exhaustion. Even in your slumber, you clung to me, which was deeply heartwarming despite the situation which initiated it. Unable to let you go, the three of us sidled up to each other in the backseat of the car, thanking God we made it through the experience thus far. The next few days will not be without anxiety though. The watch for side effects begins.

In honor of our traumatic experience, you and I turned the occasion into a sick day... While your dad had to work, he did generously rented us a movie from the Red Box, the new release of Confessions of a Shopaholic. We spent the afternoon in our pajamas, cuddled up with boppy and blankie on the couch creating the warmth and coziness to keep me believing that you know how much you are loved and cared for.

Current Stats on 6/23/2009, 2 months:
Weight: 13 pounds, 6 ounces (95% percentile)
Height: 25 inches (95% percentile)
Head: 15 3/4 inches (75% percentile)

happy 2 month birthday!

2009-06-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

We celebrated with a walk in the stifling 80 degree weather (we're completely un-acclimated from the Texas weather we used to tolerate). You were abnormally fussy in the evening until a large bottle of milk sent you to sleep. You made up for the mild display by sleeping nearly five hours consecutively. We're not sure where that came from, but we appreciated that birthday present nevertheless!

happy father's day!

2009-06-22T10:09:00.000-07:00

With all great intentions for father's day, Tucker and I accidentally took a long nap while Brian mowed the lawn and slaved on the bathroom tile. Happy Father's Day.

grandparents, part II

2009-06-21T19:26:00.000-07:00

Your Dad's first Father's Day included a visit from your Grandpa from Houston. They managed to steal away for two rounds of golf, but spent plenty of time juggling you while playing Wii tennis and bowling. Grandpa thought you were an angel ;)

onesies, one more time

2009-06-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

In earlier posts (here and here) I discussed the difficulty of dressing you in a onesie. Now I've come to believe you enjoy the struggle immensely. Hail to onesies!

Here are you and dad doing the onesie dance.

while daddy is away ...

2009-06-19T14:39:00.001-07:00

While dad and visiting granddad were away on a father's weekend golf game, Tucker had a play date with his Baby Einstein play gym (thanks to uncle Walter and aunt Jennifer for the shower gift!). Of course, not having Tucker in my arms gave me the opportunity for some photo ops.

What is my review of the Baby Einstein? In the first few weeks it was looking a little grim. The gym was mostly used for a brief session of tummy time and a place to spit up. While looking in the mirror offered a few minutes of dedicated "play", the play gym was not a hot item with little Tucker. Fast forward to 8 weeks and Tucker is a play gym regular. The bright lights, bells, and whistles are all the rage with a coming of age 8 weeks old. Self gazing in the mirror is still a hot item, but the butterfly. birdie, and blinking star are getting some face time as well.

The Einstein is definitely becoming a place to put Tucker down for a bit allowing me to sit aside and talk to him or have some quick, quiet computing time. He's learning to follow and grab items and I'm thinking he'll like it even more in the coming months ...

we are tired

2009-06-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

We've been busy moving in for the past week. Everything moves slower with a baby to love and dote on. Brian's been working and working hard to finish the tiling in the bathroom. I've been unpacking, organizing, cleaning, and trying to bathe every day. We're tired.

ladies night!

2009-06-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

I made it out to my first mom's group event, a wine party at another member's house. While it could have been an awkward social situation, it wasn't. The wine helped. I met a great bunch of mom's with great advice and interesting stories. The event was without kids, so for all they know I could have been a non-mom crashing their mom party. Luckily, I didn't have to stoop that low and had a surprisingly lovely time. At the end of the evening as my wine had dissipated from my blood and milk stream, I eagerly drove home for some much missed Tucker time! Looking forward to the friends you and I can make :)

P.S. Dad baby-sat in my absence, successfully.

grandparents, part I

2009-06-16T14:55:00.000-07:00

What does it take to get your parents in front of the camera? A grand child and a few hundred dollars in camera equipment. I've been trying to take pictures of my parents since becoming interested in photography a few years ago. Photo ops were accompanied with funny faces, odd poses, and peace signs to ease the tension a photograph could impose. Now, June 2009, all one needs to bravely have their picture taken is a baby to hold! Bravo little Tucker for bring them into the light...

day 50 - mom's big day and big $$ day

2009-06-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

With the addition of a breast pump and a bottle to our daily routine I was able to escape the confines of home and the breastfeeding leash I've been bound to since April 22. Where was my escape? With my split ends and roots meeting in the middle, highlighted with flecks of gray, I was off to the Asha Salon on a desperate mission to not look so ragged. I left with a lot less hair and some new highlights to blend in the gray.

On my way out I stopped by Calumet Photo for the Pocket Wizard FlexTT5, giving me a Pocket Wizard set and my first opportunity to us the off camera flash. Lots of pictures to come...

day 49 - moving out!

2009-06-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

At long last we've deemed it appropriate to move in to the new house! We'll be spending our first night in the half unpacked place tonight!

We're counting on the months we've been waiting for the paint and floor fumes to dissipate are sufficient for your health. I'm guessing we will all appreciate the extra space from where we've been living the past 7 weeks...

day 47 - what a looker

2009-06-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm reading through my baby bible, What To Expect the First Year, and see ALL these milestones one might expect from a baby for the second month. As a new mother, I was a bit concerned. Should these behaviors be expected when you enter the second month, during the second month, when you turn two? I don't have time to read the small print, but I'm going with my motherly instincts here ... I don't care! I'll let you grow up at your own rate and will be there to document each breath and enjoy it along the way!

For the record, you:

now adore the mobile you weren't quite interested in those first weeks
can follow objects as the move, especially grandma doing the itsy bitsy spider and your favorite mobile
do an amazing job of holding up your head, i think you'll be crawling by next week!
love to practice standing and crawling up the mom gym - its your favorite game!

day 45 - empty nesters

2009-06-06T23:51:00.000-07:00

What to do for your very first wedding anniversary when you have a newborn? Well, we initially planned for a quiet celebration at our new home with some take out, a movie, and some cuddle time with baby Tucker. I tend to miss you when you are not in the same room, so the idea sounded great to me. I know, separation anxiety...

On the morning of our anniversary however, your grandparents posed and interesting question,

"what if we babysit?"

hmmm.... the thought had never actually occurred to either of us, but we toyed with the idea all day long. With much thought we concluded we needed to get our obsessive selves out, rationalizing we'd be better parents for not being only about baby. And off we were for my first non-cooked sushi in over 10 months! Lucky for your grandparents our transition to add a bottle to your day left them with something to soothe you with while we were out. Lucky for me that bottle gave me enough time to enjoy another post pregnancy first, a glass of the 2005 BR Cohn Zinfendel we served at our wedding.

With the prospect of heading out on a date, I have to admit I wondered how it would go. While we were both tired lets also face the facts, Brian and I hadn't been alone in the past 18 months where we were not talking about either our wedding, our house remodeling, or our baby-to-be. Driving away from your grandparents' house I felt a bit like an empty nester. Would we have anything in common, anything to talk about?

I have to say that 2009 marked the best of any type of anniversary we have had. Opening that bottle of wine and hanging out with your dad was like catching up with an old friend. The conversation drifted to you now and then, but the two hours we were away were not nearly enough for all we could have chatted each other up. It was a wonderful reminder of why I married my best friend and a celebration of the life and the baby we made together.

day 44 - a night on the town

2009-06-05T13:48:00.000-07:00

Armed with your second bottle of breast milk (ever), we joined your grandparents for dinner at their neighbors, Rita and JR. Yes, that marks Tucker's first night out. Thank goodness for the bottle, or the night would have to have ended prematurely (earlier than 9:00 PM that is).

day 43 - onesies revisited

2009-06-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

For the past week we've been transitioning to move from your grandparents' into our own house. I have had so much fun finally putting together your nursery (pictures soon!) after a long delay. We have much more room for your belongings; a dedicated closet AND dresser as well as ample floor space in the new house. I've been busy washing the clothes and blankets and all the items we thought we had to have for you, pulling out outfits I didn't even remember you had.

It appears you have an abundance of onesies as I completely thought that is all babies wore before I knew better. If you recall my earlier entry, I'm a bit partial to plain white t-shirts, primarily for their ease of removal and putting on.

I have had a slight change of heart the past week. While the plain white tees are the epitome of easy and practicality, the prints and patterns on the onesies are a thousand times cuter and lets face it, the onesies do have the added benefit of not riding up (your back that is, what they do in your diaper area is another story). Of course, the white tees compliment your skin tone the best, but I thought we might spruce up your daily fashion a bit, leave to white for your photo shoots.

Brian and I learned how to put on a onesie this week. Some are easier than others depending on material and fit and it turns out short sleeves are much easier than long sleeves. I may have just stated the obvious. Putting them on is a bit of a struggle. Its not that you fight having them put on, its just a lot to pull over a big ole baby head. I'm not sure of the best way to slip them on, whether to start at the back of your head or the first, but now that we are not so afraid of breaking or suffocating you during a routine changing, we are quite capable of dressing you in this common baby gear.

All was going well with the onesies experiment, when the ultimate onesies problem presented itself. With his paternity leave over, Brian was down in the basement working, slaving away to earn his keep. You and I had promised to have limited interruptions, but I couldn't help not calling him in for this dilemma: The Diaper Blowout. Now, you poo a lot, A LOT, but this was the first time you have managed to send to poo out of your diaper and up your back. I hear it is a common baby trick, but it was still your first time. The result? Poo seeping through the back of your no longer fresh onesie. And so the ultimate onesie question presented itself in real life, how do you remove a soiled onesies without soiling baby any further?

I first made the mistake of rolling up the poopy back side, only to realize rolling the wrong way has an adverse effect; it just keeps spreading the poo. Solution? Roll the onesie up with the folds facing inwards. It was a bit counter intuitive at first, but solved the poo problem by tucking away the evidence and allowing a clear removal over Tucker's head!

Lesson Learned or Product Review:
Now, I still recommend plain white tee's for those first weeks and for lounging around the house, especially on warmer days. With two big onesies' dilemnas solved in the past week though, I have to say the experiment has permanently added them back into your official wardrobe.

day 41 - back to work?

2009-06-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today marks the last day of my FMLA (Family Medical Leave of Absense). You will be six weeks tomorrow and supposedly that is old enough for me to drop you off at day care and head off to work. Um, no thanks.

Six weeks is in no way enough time to prepare you to be without your mom nor is it enough time for me to have prepared some sort of child care for you. You are a big healthy baby, you are strong, you can even pretty much hold your head up yourself, but there is one huge problem (among other nearly as important problems). Breastfeeding.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 6-12 months of breastfeeding. They also recommend not using a bottle with a breastfeeding babies until 4-6 weeks of age. So, here we are at the conservative end of the scale, six weeks and we are starting to try you out on a bottle. By starting I mean we are following the recommended transition where you are given a (ONE) bottle a day for an entire week, then two bottles a day the next week, up to the number of bottles you need to SURVIVE while you cannot breastfeed. Let's do the math, you eat at least every two hours. In a given work day I assume I would be gone 10 hours (8 hours plus two hours of commute). That is five bottles. I would need five weeks to get you to that point of survival of an average day. I need the get off this blog and start practicing and pumping...

The persons who decided that 6 weeks was sufficient FMLA must have been male and without kids. Thanks to the lack of influence by other mothers such as me has left me in a very common situation. Tomorrow begins my first day of unpaid leave. Now, I am very thankful to have at least that. I don't have the option to become a stay at home mom at this point, but I guess I can act like one for now.

day 40 - the results are in!

2009-06-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

The hot oil treatment seemed to do you well. Most of the scabs are gone with just a few dry patches left. The overall health of your scalp looks much improved. The oil treatment is recommended. And no, I did not really warm up the oil. Straight from the bottle of Johnsons.

day 39 - hot oil treatment

2009-05-31T06:22:00.000-07:00

We're trying out an oil treatment for your apparent cradle cap. You have a very mild case of it and your hair conceals most of it, but when the lite shines right and I see those little crusty, scabby looking things... it ignites that primitive urge to pick. Much like the urge to pop a zit.

While I have sequestered the picking urge, I simply must do something! You had a similar scab on your ear which went away in just a day or two with a little baby lotion making it seem harmless to treat. I rubbed some baby oil on your scalp this morning, brushed it in with your soft brush, and set you up in the cap you came home from the hospital in. We're letting it soak in before a bit more brushing and a rinse (as per recommendations).

If this doesn't work, at least you will have nice shiny hair! Check back for the results!

day 37 - proficient at one hand typing

2009-05-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

Better with the left than the right. I think they call this phenomenon nursing at the keyboard (NAK). Does this mean I can do two jobs at once? No.

More mommy acronyms here at Blisstree.

day 36 - mom's club

2009-05-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

I signed us up for the Naperville Mom's club today. I've never had the motivation to get out and join a club like this before. Hopefully, we'll both find some good buddies. I'll keep you posted...

day 31 - mom and tucker go solo

2009-05-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

We ended up staying home this weekend, instead of heading to Dallas with the rest of the family for Mindy and Joey's wedding.

Housing status: still living at your grandparent's. It's been relatively calm with them out of town. No hustle and bustle, just us concentrating on you and the move to our new house. The biggest difference has been in the increase in freedom for you to cry. I still claim you don't cry much, but we're just not as overly concerned as to who we are disturbing when you do ...

In an attempt to help your dad with the house, you and I planned a big day of errands. With only two stops, it seemed manageable, if we could ever get out of the house. With your dad off to meet contractors and tile our bathroom, we started heading out the door around 10:00 AM. Heading out the door means the final feeding, final diaper change, the final spit up - change up, mom tries to grab a bite to eat - then repeat. We nearly left around 1:00, but I couldn't figure out how to fold and unfold the stroller to fit in the car. Knowing now how to do it, it is a simple task, but pair it with a crying child, hours of frustration, hunger, sleeplessness... and it's no small feat.

I called your dad in hysteria for directions on the stroller and by 2 PM we were out the door, with me a hot, sweaty mess anxious about taking you to the store. What if you cry? What if you are screaming in the Bed Bath and Beyond and I can't calm you? Do I pacify you with my pinkie (we believe you're too young for a pacifier yet) while I try to shop and push your stroller with the other? Do I drop everything and leave? And how exactly do I do the shopping itself? Do I keep you in the stroller? Do I put your car seat in the cart? Is that safe? Does that work? Oh goodness what if you cry?!

As many mothers before me have said, the car ride put you out. You slept on the way to the stores, slept throughout the Bed Bath and Beyond, slept through the Buy Buy Baby and all the way to our house. Being home was more stressful than the shopping ... I think we'll have to get out more.

Mom and Tucker's first solo shopping trick. Success.

day 30 - one month checkup

2009-05-22T17:21:00.000-07:00

You had your one month checkup today - at exactly one month. Height 22, weight 10 pounds 10.4 ounces. We were informed you were gaining weight at a rate of over an ounce a day, at least double the average for the average child. We thought you were big when you were born ... Luckily, all parts are reported to be in proportion, head circumference 15 inches.

I was thrown off guard when I learned you were to receive your second Hepatitis-B vaccine. With all the scare right now with vaccination induced autism, I'm terrified of them pumping anything into you. But how am I to know that it's safer to not have the vaccinations? The pediatrician seemed annoyed when I asked about the vaccination schedule and signs to watch out for ill effects of the vaccination. I took solace in the fact that its the Measles Mumps and Rubella (MMR) shot that seems to be the kiss of autism, but nevertheless, I worried about you all day and night.

Following the doctor's appointment, you slept for an unimaginably long time (keep in mind that you rarely went more than 90 minutes without eating). Actually, you slept most of the evening, waking to feed, but very little crying, fussing, or playing. You even let us sleep for three consecutive hours. Of course, this made heightened my nervousness, but despite my worries the sleep was blissful. Perhaps vaccinations are not so bad.

day 25 - mommy milestone!

2009-05-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

I weigh less than your dad today. Thank you for breastfeeding so excessively!

day 24 - diaper success leads to crib success!

2009-05-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

With the miracle of the hair drier and heating pad serendipitously found to pacify you during a changing (you now love love love having a good ole diaper change), we realized the same solution may be applied to help you sleep.

Up until today you were a good sleeper, until the moment you hit the crib. The confinement of the sleeping cell makes you wake like nothing else. We realized today that it may just be that your crib gets cold in the absence of your warm body. Solution? Pre heat the crib with the heating pad. Result? Warm crib and sleeping baby.

day 20 - the chair

2009-05-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

In my initial baby shopping I omitted buying and registering for a nursing chair. It seemed frivolous and unnecessary, one of those industry gimmicks where moms get caught up in decorating and must have a cute little rocking chair.

As your due date got closer I started rethinking this. Breastfeeding 8-10 times a day? I sure better have a comfortable place to sit! And so I drove my pregnant self to Babies R Us to find an inexpensive yet relaxing place to sit. There is no better time to pick out a chair than when you are 8 months pregnant, tired, and swollen. I definitely got comfortable in their chair section.

While I didn't pick the least expensive, I did choose one that goes on sale quite often. Three weeks into breast feeding and it is without a doubt one of the best purchases I've made. As it turns out you nurse much more than 8-12 times a day so we definitely get our use of it. Many a sleep deprived night (every night) we fall asleep together in the chair. Probably not the safest way to sleep, but you love it and I adore the bonding time. It is a big compliment to the chair that I can doze off, unintentionally, for hours at a time. The majority of my sleep actually comes in chair as I am just completely unable to stay awake during our late night feedings. Another perk is the wide arms, which when paired with a pillow make an optimal place for the laptop ...

Product review: This chair (and ottoman) from Babies R Us is a blessing for me. However, I realize it may not be ideal for all builds. It is rather low to the ground, which is comfortable for my 5'5" frame. The construction and materials thus far seem to be of excellent quality. I highly recommend test driving the chairs at your local baby store to see what fits you best. Keep in mind whether you will be using a Boppy Pillow (more on that later) you will need the width of the chair to exceed your width plus the Bobby. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to measure your post pregnancy width when you are pregnant. It's a little less difficult to try on the Boppy when you are pregnant.

day 18 - happy mother's day

2009-05-10T17:17:00.000-07:00

Our first mother's day together!

We started out the day with not much sleep. Up all night feeding and fighting those poopy pains you seem to get. Must have worked as you had the official poopiest diaper thus far.

Mother's day started with breakfast with the family. Your aunts and uncles were in town to meet you. You and I missed breakfast because you were hungry, but we joined them all later for a reheated bite to eat and some gift opening.

As your guests were out the door after breakfast. Your father and I were left to have our first argument. I was mortified over arguing in front of you. You didn't like it much either.

What was my mother's day gift? Your Dad put the B.O.B. stroller together and the three of us took our first walk together. You passed out the second the stroller hit the pavement and your dad and I enjoyed the beginning of the warm Chicago weather.

If you are wondering how it took 18 days for us to make it out for a walk, I was completely surprised by the toll child birth took on my body. Sitting, let alone walking, isn't so easy for the weeks that follow. As my first real exercise, we walked slowly along. Hoping this is the first of many walks to come for us.

Pseudo Product Review: The B.O.B. worked great for our walk. I'm reserving judgment until we give it a go running.

In progress news, you are starting to have much more alert time. We started playing the standup game - I hold you under your arms as you push yourself to a standing position. You are insanely strong and seem to love this little bit of independance. If your bottom hurts anywhere near how much mine does from sitting and nursing (and stitches), I understand why you like the standup game so mch. I've noticed that you are starting to stare at things, mostly lights, and like to grab on. When I tried to end a feeding session today you put a death grip on my bra strap and refused to let go.

day 17 - the biggest baby on the block

2009-05-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

The doctor ripped off your umbilical cord. Your belly button looks fine and healthy, apparently. We just like to worry about you and love the peace of mind of knowing we are managing to not kill you.

We stripped you down and weighed you at your doctor's appointment today. Current weight: 9 pounds 4 ounces. That means in the one week and one day since you were last at the doctor's you gained a whole pound. That's over 10% of your body weight! Looks like we know what we are doing with this breastfeeding thing.

day 16 - the umbilical cord story

2009-05-08T17:19:00.000-07:00

Stress has hit the household again. Your umbilical cord fell this evening, Friday, just before your Dad got home and just before your aunt's and uncle's all arrived to meet you. Previously, I was completely looking forward to the day your umbilical cord fell off. It opens the door for clothes that would have rubbed your "stump" and we had been using it as a milestone for when we would try you out in your gDiapers (more on that soon ...)

When the moment arrived, we were completely uninformed as to what the cord belly button should LOOK like once it falls off. Naturally we freaked out. Remember how we sent you to the hospital over your circumcision? Here we were, breaking you again. No book, no class, no one had told us that the umbilical cord stump can PARTIALLY fall off. This it what happened with you. Your stump fell off and hung there, dangling by a few threads (threads of WHAT, I have no idea).

In typical fashion, we consulted the internet (I know this is going to sound so archaic when you read it) and could not get a straight answer. Your belly button looked oozy and white - like the color of the umbilical cord right after you were born. I slapped a piece of gauze over your belly button and called your doctor. We have an appointment for 10:00 AM tomorrow.

It was a big day for you. In addition to the umbilical cord tragedy, the scab on your head from the fetal monitor fell off too. That fell off with out a problem.

day 12 - dear tucker

2009-05-04T14:40:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe you were born nearly two weeks ago today. I had every intention of starting this journal for you (and other moms out there) the day we came home from the hospital, but while the thoughts have been stirring in my head and my hands have struggled to put you down. I'm sure mom's out there can sympathize. Bringing up baby is no small feat.

When you're wondering why this post seems misplaced, it isn't. Today I started your journal. The older posts are back dated... Come on, I know we took a laptop to the hospital, but we really did have more pressing things to do!

You're sitting in your Fisher Price, My Little Lamb swing now, so let's see what we can get out of my head....

day 11 - your cord blood donation!

2009-05-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

You received your first certificate in the mail today!

Before you were born, your father and I made the decision to donate the blood from your umbilical cord the the cord blood registry. It is a wonderful cause where your cord blood is used to save the life of another child or for research. It was a simple, free procedure where the doctor who delivered you extracting the blood from your cord (after you were born and detached!) and then drawing my blood for tests.

Today you received your certificate thanking you for your wonderful donation!

day 10 - the hot air effect

2009-05-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

You hate having your diaper changed. It is one of the few times you cry, but oh do your little baby lungs perform. We were guessing its the cold air, maybe the cold changing pad, or just the overall inexperience of going, um, potty. Maybe its the diaper rash you've developed from our rushed, end-the-crying diaper changes.

Only time will fix the inexperience part, so we tackled the heat factor, or lack thereof and slapped some butt paste on your rear side. And for the heat factor we added in the most efficient heat AND white noise producing diaper changing agent there is, the hair drier.

The hair drier truly is the miracle tool. You instantly calm down from the noise and it works perfectly to expedite the recommended air drying of babies bottom. Nappy rash and crying solved in one fell swoop! Success!

Lesson Learned:
Hair driers do much more than dry hair! Word of caution: We use the cool setting (which is really more like a warm setting) on the hair drier most of the time. We will interject a few seconds of warmer air and constantly have a hand where the air is blowing - to make sure the temperature is okay.

Alternative Lesson Learned:
Pre-heating your changing pad with a heating pad (remove heating pad before changing baby) also seemed to make the diaper change more enjoyable. While it helped with the crying though, the pre-heat time is a bit frustrating and it does assist in tush drying.

day 9 - the big weigh in

2009-05-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

Back to the pediatrician today to weigh you in.

Current weight: 8 pounds 4 ounces. Starting to gain back baby weight lost.

Happy to report all our breastfeeding is going to good use, packing on those baby pounds (ounces).

In other news, poop looks good! Everything looks good! Happy healthy boy.

day 8 - forget neiman marcus, I heart the plain white tee's

2009-04-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Our first product review with a lesson learned thrown in for good measure!

Prelude to a Lesson Learned: The fall of 2008 watched the stock market crash and department store prices plummet. Christmas 2008 sales were too good to pass up. With your grandparents in tow, we stocked up on baby clothes!

Before you were born we all were convinced you could not be more than 5 or 6 pounds at birth. Your father may remember his birth weight incorrectly, but I know I only weighed 4 pounds and your aunt Maggie topped the weight charts for my family at 6 pounds. So, on we marched to Neiman Marcus, Lord and Taylor, and Macy's raking in all the oh-so-cute and oh-so-inexpensive clothes for newborns. Despite advice we had been given, we didn't buy all our clothes on the bigger side. Pre-parenting failure #1, you've outgrown a good majority of your clothes already.

Lesson Learned: Buy most of your baby clothes things big! Exceptions to this rule: socks (I think these are one size anyways and probably unnecessary in most cases) and swaddle-me's (more on this in a later post).

Here is Your Product Review
Just weeks into your life you've outgrown my favorites outfits, but there is good reason for me to be okay with this. What we bought is not what works for us! In our pre-baby shopping we were stocked up on onesies and jumpers (this is what we were told babies wear). Now, just over a week into your life, all we want is a cute diaper and a plain white tee. You're still wearing the one we took home from the hospital (it's kinda tight now - more half shirt like) and your dad has made a run to Target for more.

Here are my calculated benefits of the plain white tee's:

How easy is it to change a diaper when you have no pants and no snaps to undo?!
The shirts sit nicely above your diaper and don't rub on your umbilical cord.
They are SO easy to change, no need to wrestle with you as we do sliding the onesies over your head (this is important when you spit up all over yourself or worse, if you poopy your onesie).
White matches everything, right?!
If you need pants, we slide some pants on.
If you need something warmer for outside, we put that over your diaper and over your t-shirt.
If we need something warmer for inside, we wrap you up in blankets or your swaddle-me.
DON'T MISS THIS: Tee shirts with the foldover hand mitten things can be very beneficial to any breastfeeding mother whose child has wandering hands. Believe the scratch marks on my chest, sometimes we need to cover those puppies! Forget them scratching themselves, save yourself!

Their only downfall seems to be their tendency to ride up, especially when they are to small. This hasn't really been an issue for us. We just pull the shirt back down when necessary.

Please, moms out there, buy the plain white tees. You will thank me for it. Make sure not to get them too small, they still fit great when they are a bit too big. It's critical you buy the ones that snap in the front too. Carters and Gerber (at Target) both make good ones. If you buy the non-snap on versions that you have to pull over the head it voids most of the pros I've written here.

In conclusion, the plain white tees are a must have! Here is some even better advice, get them both a see what works better for you. As a first time parent, wanting something easier to put on (small fear of you suffocating during those 10 seconds when I am trying to get some onesies over you head).

Tucker, you spend most of your days and nights in these tees.

day 7 - why does he cry all the time?

2009-04-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

I did not know what type of mom I would be. I don't love kids. Maybe I do now. I think I just love you. I had my fears that I wouldn't love you, that you would be some stranger, some slimy, red, puffy baby they lay down on my belly in the hospital. I read about this phenomenon. I was prepared for the chance that would be me.

It didn't happen like that at all. I loved you from the first moment I saw you. There is an unquestionable bond between a mother and a child. From the instant your head pushed it's way into this world that was the way it was to be. Here was my baby, my love. On April 22, a girl grew up, experiencing a love she never new existed.

I understand postpartum depression and I can sympathize with feeling as though your child was a stranger. Here I am in one of the most demanding and important phases of my life and I am surprising myself in the way that I feel truly blessed. It helps that I think you are the cutest baby in the world. It helps that I have countless opportunities to gaze down at your assembly of faces to make while you sleep. It helps that sleepless nights are meaningless as long as I am on maternity leave. It helps that you are such a wonderful being.

Despite my inexperience as a mother, I don't think you cry much at all. We hear some cries when you are hungry. Of course, then we feed you. You cry when we change you diaper, sometimes. Then, some nights, you cry as if you are colicky, kicking out and screaming is it seems the gas or poo works it's way down. This is a bit more alarming, but again I read it is normal. So, in these three ways that you truly cry we only hear 10 or so minutes of crying a day. Nevertheless, in your first week home there's definitely been some 3rd party concern as to the extent of your cries.

I consulted THE source, the internet. Expect up to two hours of crying, more for a colicky baby. Again, I think we are blessed with you.

May the critics be silenced, we have an angel on our hands.

day 6 - is this thing on?

2009-04-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

I've received comments from my sister, necessitated through the word of mouth my mom gives her. Apparently we've been holed up in the nursery all day. As if we are confined to this bedroom, doomed to rot away in a sea of spit up and dirty diapers.

No one told me, and definitely no one told them, that you were going to eat all day (and night) every day. We are somewhat confined to this bedroom, but you know what? We are bonding. I adore every minute I get to hold you close and watch you fall asleep contentedly in my lap.

As a first time mom though, I do have to wonder if this breastfeeding thing is working. Are you eating all day because you are not getting enough to eat? Am I failing at milk production? Is something else wrong?

Of course I've asked Google what could be wrong ... And oh the things the internet says could be wrong! Despite all the worrying we've done so far, my instinct here tells me that you and I have this right. You're a natural breast feeder. You are just a hungry, HUNGRY, hippo and you love the mom + Tucker bonding as much as I do.

In defense of the internet, Google didn't just tell me that your frequent feeding was about the end of the world, it also sent me to this reassuring article that we are not alone.

We'll see if this breastfeeding thing is working at your next weight in....

day 5 - a day without a doctor!

2009-04-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

Finally, some rest for us all.

day 4 - another day at the doctor

2009-04-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

Our emergency trip to the ER last night warranted a followup with the pediatrician. Day 4 and we have a Sunday appointment at your pediatrician, DuPage Medical Group. Very happy with our pediatrician choice so far. Never imagined we could get a Saturday appointment, let alone a Sunday appointment. So, here we are killing two birds with one stone, your initial ped visit and a reassurance check on your circumcision boo boo all rolled into one.

The appointment gave us all some peace of mind despite us getting lost on the way.

Current weight 7 pounds 14 ounces.

day 3 - a word about circumcision care

2009-04-26T17:33:00.000-07:00

Day 3 of life outside the womb. Day 1 home from the hospital. Dad and I are exhausted. We spent most of the day holed up in the bedroom / nursery at your grandparents house. I'm still very light headed and sore from the delivery. Your dad is hanging in there like a champ, pulling full diaper duty.

A note to prospective parents: We made an conscientious decision to have our son circumcised. I am not recommending either for or against circumcision, just please be informed on the pros and cons and seriously think about whether or not this is right for your child.

We read up on our discharge papers on how to care for you circumcision. Directions: "if the bandage has not fallen off within 24 hours, soak the bandage in water and remove". As new parents, these directions are terrifying. Can't we just leave the bandage on your swollen, ouchy private? Shouldn't something like this be left to a professional?

Dad went to work unwrapping the bandage. I assisted with the warm water to "soak" the bandage. We were good up to the last tug, which stuck, then bled, then bled some more. You soaked up several gauze pads and on the advice of your to be pediatrician we headed back to the hospital. Home for a little more than 24 hours and we've already broken you.

I never imagined how much I could worry about something or someone. The responsibility is enormous and overwhelming. The stress of it all is crazy. The love we have for you is truly evident and stronger than I could have hoped.

The ER staff at Edward's hospital fixed you up again. We were reassured your blood loss was not as great as it seemed. We headed home more tired, but relieved. You will live to bleed another day!

So, crisis was managed and a lesson was learned - DO NOT TRUST THAT YOUR DISCHARGE PAPERS ARE CORRECT. After we made the mistake of removing your bandage, the remaining doctors assured us that you are NOT to remove the circumcision bandage, it should fall off on its own. When in doubt, call your pediatrician!

P.S. We're sorry!

day 2 - TDaP or is it Dtap?

2009-04-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

A word of warning to first time mom's out there. If you are not current on your TDaP vaccine, you'll be asked if you want it during your hospital stay. I was unprepared to answer, but declined. I just didn't see how I could care for my baby with my current state plus the side effects of the vaccine. I was so broken down I honestly did not know if my immune system could handle it. So, yes I declined, but I intend to have it at my 6 week check up.

Of course, whether or not to get the vaccine is a personal choice. I have not found any compelling reason not to have it. I just was not prepared when presented with the choice. Do your research before you go to the hospital!

day 2 - tucker goes home, sort of

2009-04-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

Day two was much the same routine, with an entirely different baby. I would not say we were catching up on our sleep, but we were managing naps throughout the day, when we could.

You must have learned what mom had to offer in those first 24 hours as you no longer would sleep without, well, something to suck on. Swaddling, shooshing, none of that worked and without a pacifier I was your only source. In 2009 "they" recommend no pacifiers or bottles for breastfeeding babies in the first four weeks.

Until we figured out your oral frustration, you cried, a lot. As new parents we felt helpless in our inability to comfort you. The frustration was not our lack of experience, but the disheartening feeling that we were not meeting your needs.

Despite packing our hospital bag with clothes and toiletries for each day, I spent the nearly three days we were in the hospital in my hospital gown and hospital underwear. There was no showering, no hair brushing, definitely no makeup. On the day we left I managed to wash my face and brush my teeth. Was I disgusting? Yes. The way I felt once the ache and dizziness from the delivery set in just didn't allow for those luxuries (besides, the hospital bathroom seemed just plain icky and was splattered with my blood a good part of the time). I relinquished myself to just showering once we arrived home.

The blood is another thing. Seriously? Like there isn't enough I have to deal with right now. Sure, some bleeding from the delivery makes sense, but 6 weeks of it? It's another reason to stay in your hospital gown.

I also never expected to be SO uncomfortable in the days (weeks?) after delivery. It's very difficult to scoot across the bed and standing up straight is completely out of the question. I sat up in the chair for a brief minute or two, but it just did not feel right. Hygiene was postponed until we left the hospital.

Suffice it to say, I (we) was exhausted by the end of our hospital stay. The lack of sleep before the delivery in combination with the lack of sleep post delivery, just wasn't sitting well. Your dad and I were looking forward to getting you home.

It took nearly the entire day to get our discharge papers, but we were ready to go when we did. We dressed you up in your already a bit too tight "go home" outfit and I was wheel chaired out the door. We snapped a few unimpressive pictures and set off from the lovely city of Chicago to take you home... to your grandparent's house.

You slept the entire 45 or so minute trip home, where we arrived just before 9 o'clock. We showered, made dinner, fed you, ate, and embarked on some sleep ...

day 1 - the recovery

2009-04-23T16:38:00.000-07:00

I guess I thought I would wake the next morning a refreshed, happy mother. I was right about the happy part, nothing else I was prepared for. I never really heard anything about the time AFTER the delivery. It seemed all the literature and preparation took you to the point of delivery and then picked up with baby care. I had no idea what to expect from our hospital stay.

To my surprise, once we arrived at our mom and baby room (around midnight on your birthday), it was not all rest and relaxation. Don't get me wrong, we had the nice bonding moments, but that was just a percentage of the time we spent there.

I was expected to go to the bathroom within hours of the delivery. I cannot even begin to explain how hard this was after delivering a baby. Nothing seemed to work "down there" anymore. I thought I had to go, but couldn't. It was hard enough just sitting down. Of course, the nurse was standing right there, which didn't bother me, but might other moms. I guess the delivery itself wasn't enough exposure.

Well, I was also hungry! Twenty-eight hours without eating is a long time for someone who was pregnant for 24 of those hours. Prospective mommies be ready to fast during the delivery... The cafeteria was closed at this point, but the cheese and mayo sandwich did me just fine. Your father had already eaten the meal that was delivered for me before we pushed you out.

Expecting to sleep at some point, the night was filled with feedings (where you mostly fell asleep) and regular baby and mom checkups. Breakfast came around seven AM, which was fine since my hunger rivaled my sleepiness. I picked the bacon off my vegetarian meal and had some nice warm nourishment.

I chatted with your grandparents later in the morning. The first and foremost topic: how tired THEY were. I can imagine...

The rest of the day was much the same, dosing off, checkups, feedings, cuddling. You had your Hepatitis-D vaccine and slept most of the day away. This parenting thing seemed easy enough, if I could just catch up on my lost sleep. My biggest concern at this point was whether your sleepy head was going to get enough to eat.

day 0 - the labor story (unsensored and long winded)

2009-04-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 11:30 PM on April 21, 2009 with a sharp contraction. I'd been asleep for all of 15 minutes. Having wrestled with sleep the entire night before I should have gone to bed earlier, but I didn't. I had stayed up watching an episode of "I didn't know I was pregnant" about, imagine this, women who went an entire 9 months and didn't know they were pregnant. The absurdity of it would make you stay awake to watch too...

So, 11:30 PM I woke up with a sharp contraction. I'd had contractions before, so at this point I thought nothing of it. I took my routine trip to the bathroom and returned to bed.

At 12:30 PM I woke up with another sharp contraction. Again, I'd had contractions before, but never any that woke me up. Things were started to come together. I went to bathroom again and there it was, the infamous mucus plug. Now, this isn't a tell tale sign of labor (so we learned after I woke up your dad and we Googled it). Labor could still be days from now... so we tried to stay calm and stay at home until the contractions are regular (511: 5 minutes apart, 1 minute in length, for 1 hour) like they tell you to.

Admittedly, I wasn't sure if I was having contractions or just a stomach ache. It sounds silly, but to be sure I spent much of the next hour in the bathroom. I didn't want to be that girl who shows up claiming she's in labor and is sent home with a diagnosis of gas. No one wants to be that girl. When we did finally leave for the the hospital, I definitely went with a clean system.

At some point in my bathroom frequenting, blood arrived. Naturally, as first time preggeroni and soon to be first time parents, we were worried. With less than 48 hours to our scheduled induction and my doctor out of town, we called the practice doctor on call. She woke from her slumber to worry us further... "there isn't supposed to be blood" and suggested we come in to get checked out. Note that once we arrived at the hospital every other doctor would tell us blood IS expected. Regardless, with much anxiety we packed up the car, said good bye to your grandparents, and rushed off to the hospital.

Our fears of running into traffic on the way to the hospital were dashed. At 2:00 AM on a Wednesday, there was not much interest in heading from the western suburbs into Chicago. Before the true labor had even begun we arrived at the hospital, exhausted, in the wee hours of the morning. My moderate contractions were consistently around 5 minutes apart ... a sign of baby to come.

I wish this was the part way I say they rushed us up to labor and delivery and two hours later you were born, but I don't. The hospital monitors did not lie, my contractions were real and regular, but I was only dilated 1 cm. Delivery was likely still a ways off. Instead of sending us home (which I am glad they didn't), we were prescribed to walk around the labor and delivery floor, for TWO HOURS.

I put my shoes on and the walking began. Back and forth around the floor where everyone else was having their babies. I stopped each lap to use the restroom and paused every two to five minutes to deal with my strengthening contractions. All the labor techniques they taught us in class went to the way side. None seemed natural except one - leaning against the wall with your dad rubbing my back (anything to get Brian to rub my back).

Somewhere between 60 to 90 of minutes of walking I just couldn't do it anymore. The labor wasn't too bad, but we were just so tired. Here labor was just beginning and it seemed like we had already been awake for 48 hours. We accepted our failure and resigned to lay down and get some sleep.

Your father passed out in the chair, while I fought off sleep denying contractions every two minutes. At 6:00 AM another women came in for an induction, 6 centimeters dilated and feeling no pain whatsoever. It was spiteful.

Somewhere around 7:00 AM they decided to admit us to labor and delivery. They had toyed with sending us home despite my pain and near state of delusional exhaustion. Thankfully, we our scheduled induction a little more than 32 hours away, we were allowed to proceed with your arrival.

We reached our labor and delivery room around 8:00 AM, on Wednesday, April 24, 2009 (your birthday!). Having already inquired about my epidural, I eagerly awaited meeting the anesthesiologist. I had intended to hold off on the epidural, my ignorance of what it truly felt like, had made me reluctant to have one at all. The thought of not being able to feel or move my legs, to be bed ridden, was terrifying. After 9 hours of contractions and no sleep, I was ready to be bed ridden. With the number of contraptions I was hooked up to anyways, I didn't see myself getting up much anyways.

Somehow or another the anesthesiologist was tied up. Perhaps he was busy with another patient, sleeping, eating, or just passing time, but he certainly wasn't feeling the urgency of the epidural as I was. Each time the nurse came by I'd bug her again. When that didn't work I relied on my nurse call button to remind her to send him by. My pleading seemed futile, but much, much later he arrived on his own accord.

Sometime after 9:00 AM the epidural relief hit me. I suddenly felt relaxed and was finally off to catch up on some lost sleep. Your father rolled out the sleeper chair next to me and we both caught some z's.

My advice to pregnant women: GET THE EPIDURAL. Truth is you can move your legs and, especially in the case of a long labor, it makes everything so much more calm. Here is the calm me, epiduraled up, and taking pictures with my mom's camera.

Your grandparents arrived sometime around noon, despite us still being far from delivery. With a pitocin drip added to speed things up, we were making progress, but still hours away. As the hours slipped by your grandparents were off to have once they are now calling the best pizza they've had (from Renaldi's on Broadway and Diversey) and your dad was off to The Counter for a burger. I ate ice chips ...

By 4 PM we had made little progress. I was still only 3cm dilated. But by 6 PM the attending thought I was dilated to 9 inches. Only to later have the doctor tell me I was closer to 8. Still more waiting...

In the time we were there we made good friends with the anesthesiologist who stopped by several times to laugh at my moaning and provide me more relief. At around 6 or 7 PM though, as you rolled lower in my pelvis and onto my left kidney, the pain became intense again. The epidural did little to comfort me, worrying me that the epidural relief would be non existent by the time you came and the pain would be unbearable (to think I once considered natural child birth). As it didn't seem to be working, I may have overdone it with epidural button... Around 7:45 PM though, we were cleared to start pushing and all pain was forgotten.

They don't really prepare you for delivery in any prenatal books, classes, or movies for that matter. Having seen plenty of baby movies this is what I expected ... the baby is coming, it hurts a lot, I push to help things along, and in a matter of minutes the baby has arrived. Only true in the movies and for really lucky people. We may have prematurely started pushing, but we pushed for TWO HOURS trying to get you out. I'm sure it was a combination of things, the epidural dulling my senses to push, my inexperience with how to push correctly, the exhaustion, or your size that slowed things down.

TWO HOURS. Having been told to stop exercising on my back early in my pregnancy, my abdominal muscles were not up to task for the delivery. Thirty minutes in I was weakening on holding my head and chest up to push you down. That's where your dad really stepped in. Of course he was there all along, but at some point he began lifting my head and back up for me, nearly bending me in half to force you down. The pushing itself was confusing ... I did what I thought was working, but each doctor and nurse would shout different, and conflicting, instructions on how to push.

No one ever told we what labor would feel like, but once you reached the "birth canal", I could actually feel that there was something there I needed the get out. By that point you were becoming tachycardic from the stress. I tried harder. At 9:40 PM, we pushed all 8 pounds 8.9 ounces of you into this world.

This is where your dad and my memories of the labor start to differ. Your dad claims you didn't cry, but from what my tired self remembers, they suctioned your nose and the crying began. Then you pooped (we agree on this part). You were placed on my belly for us to meet and to my surprise you weren't overly red and slimy. Your dad claims the opposite. I think he just hadn't seen enough pictures of how icky newborns can be. He declined the cut the cord, but watched over you as you were whisked away.

There was definitely some heightened concern when you were born over your size. Blood was immediately drawn from your heel for a blood sugar test, indicating diabetes. To our relief you passed this first test and each successive one. You were just a surprisingly big baby (relative to your father and me). We were okay with that.

You scored high on your Apgar as well. 8 initially, and 9 after 5 minutes. We were so proud.

It took some time for them to clean you up and sew me back together. The post delivery tear stitches definitely took some time and possibly hurt worse than the deliver. I believe it to be the case of when you are ready for something to be over - and its not over - makes it hurt that much worse. Perhaps my epidural really was wearing off at this point. I was not prepared for all this post delivery prodding.

Between the stitches and the removal of the blood clots it was another hour before your grandparents were allowed in. They had waited mostly patiently in the waiting room for your arrival. Three hours since they had been kicked out they were finally allowed back in. Grandpa made the obligatory phone calls and grandma admired you up close. Exhausted as the rest of us they headed home shortly thereafter and we transferred to a mom and baby room to find some rest, hopefully.

the baby making story

2009-04-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

You were born April 22, 2009 and 9:40 PM, but your story doesn't begin there...

Your father, Brian, and I were married on June 6, 2008 in Sonoma, California after dating for most of seven or so years. It wasn't long thereafter you were conceived. You were born almost 11 months from our wedding date. No confusion there, we definitely were married before we made you.

You'll hate hearing this probably until you have kids of your own, but we tried VERY hard to get pregnant the month after we were married. We were astonished when it didn't take. Somehow more busy in July, we severely toned down the baby making trying, down to where we can pinpoint when you were conceived.

Much to our surprise, in early August I learned I was pregnant while at my doctor for a normal checkup. As my appointment had already ended, they called me back from the waiting room, made me wait alone in an exam room for an unearthly amount of time, and then my doctor came in to break the news. It was the most unbelievable news ... nothing short of a miracle and completely astounding.

Your father and I were both working from home for IBM at the time, but he had for some reason decided to go into the office that day. What turned in to a quick trip to the office left me sitting at home for hours with this amazing news. It was completely unexpected, so I didn't know how to break it to him. I believe the instant he came home, I just blurted it out, standing in the kitchen with an ear to ear grin...

the where this all took place story

2009-04-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

You will probably hear until you are blue in the face about how your father and I lived in Chicago the two and a half years before you were born. As if having lived downtown is proof that your father and I actually are cool, respectable people. In a one bedroom condo on Briar Street, we were in an amazing location in the heart of boys town, East Lakeview, a block from the lake and walking distance to just about everything. We loved it so much that we thought we would raise you for a year or two there... who were we kidding?

During the fall of the pregnancy house prices plummeted, mortgage rates fell, and somehow the value of our condo held its own. We decided to take advantage of the housing situation and make the unmentionable move to the suburbs where you could be close to your grandparents and we all would have a bit of breathing room. With your dad working from home, we just didn't see how that could be accomplished with a baby and mom underfoot.

A few months into the pregnancy, post morning sickness, we put the condo up for sale and started looking for homes in Lisle and Naperville, Illinois. The condo "sold" in about two weeks to the first person that scheduled to come through it (I told you it was a great place). Unfortunately, due to the the ongoing mortgage crisis, it took us three months to actually close on the sale of the place. With one hiccup after another, we officially sold the condo and purchased a new old house in Naperville on March 6, 2009.

It is important to note that our closing was delayed a week, thanks to Wells Fargo bank (who hopefully won't be around by the time you care to read this) who decided the day before we were to close to rescind our buyer's loan. Amazingly, she was able to put things back together a week later, but the damage had been done. The contractor we had scheduled to put in new hardwoods had to reschedule us for six weeks later, severely delaying our move in date.

I was crushed initially, the dream of taking you home from the hospital to your nursery was gone. On the flip side, we had moved so that you could be closer to your grandparents and so we moved in with them for the time being, when I was around 8 months pregnant with you. The move was somewhat of a blessing as mom (your grandma) took care of us and cooked us all these wonderful healthy meals for you. I tried to take it easy those next two months while helping out as much as possible with getting the new house ready. Your dad was working exhaustively while renovating the bathroom, getting the floors ready for the hardwoods, and painting all the walls while still working more than full time on his paying job.

I worked up to your delivery date and then until your actual birth date. I was fortunate enough to have been on a project those last 5 weeks at work where I was able to work from home. It was definitely a god send as you were getting bigger and bigger by the day and much more difficult to carry around. Besides, the train conductor was getting awfully nervous each day he saw me climb on the train to downtown.

On March 7, 2009, the home renovations began. Taring up carpets, baseboards, the entire master bath and priming and painting all the rooms in the house. The house renovations (up to your birth date) are documented here. I wouldn't say we were in over our heads, but there was A LOT of work to be done. Your grandparents pitched in, as did your uncle Walter, who also happened to be living with your grandparents at the time. It was a true family effort to get the house ready for Tucker! As I mentioned, with the closing delay, Tom (Farr), the hard wood guy, was delayed in starting. He was nice enough to give up a few of his weekends to get started early, but the grunt of the work didn't start until April 13th. Yes, the day before your due date.

The renovations would consume us up until I went into labor. Despite our efforts, we would not be moving in until much passed your birth date. Waiting as long as possible to allow fumes to dissipate.

pass due

2009-04-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

12:00 AM, April 15, 2009, due date missed. juggling emotions of wanting to meet my baby and needing more time to get ready for my baby! scheduling an induction soon...